23.12.11

My Nonexistent Love Story #1: Falling in Love

Love. What they actually call love? "Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. It's also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and 'the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another'"

It is true, you can't explain love with words. You must feel it. And even then you don't know how to explain it. Is it that moment when you feel your heartbeats increasing rapidly? Or, when your hands are sweating? Or, when a wave of hotness and shivers goes over your body like an earthquake?

Relationship is between two people, he once said. But love? One-sided love. It sucks. Really, who invented love? Without this, it would be much better. There would be no attraction, affection .. all this would just be .. in a different way. Just that .. however, it is not possible to live without love. This is our built-in. Lovely. People are weak, and love makes them weaker. At least it made me.

***

The only one I knew  that it wasn't love at first sight. When I came to a new class (and at the same time, the school), I just wanted a new normal life. Because my life wasn't normal after the primary. But I'm not talking about it. This nightmare is over, it's important.

Returning to the former subject - as I came to the new class, I thought, all the boys have same faces. It was easier with the girls - after all, everyone wants to differ from others, so they wear their peculiar clothes. Okay, so let's say that Cole's gang was different from other guys as well. But the rest .. just black jeans and shirts. In the eighth grade boys don't hit on girls (aka differ with clothes). I would say that it starts somewhere in the end of ninth class, or bot

Somewhere in the middle of December he started to differ from others. Then I realized that I liked him .. and then the affection came, and I realized fairly quickly that I love that boy. That I really love Jason Lockwood. Now, as we are dating, it is so weird to think back - it was just too long, as many as three years ago. And how much has changed over those three years!

I told you about my last, the third year. Then when we started dating with Jason and all went so wild. Some people may be interested, how I could have waited for so long. Like, really, who would wait for a boy for 2.5 years? The correct answer is Caroline Forbz.

Simply, I believe in destiny, and at that moment I believed that pain of love wasn't sent just to pass by, and that we won't work out. Moreover, as it came out, it was not all just like that. That was what I relied on. Paid off, too.

Okay, I lost in thought again. Sorry, I needed to 'write off'. My favorite activity. Okay, now here's the point to all this thing. Let's start with the story.

***

The first time we had ever talked (although I would not call it 'talking' because it was at most 10 words ... but still) was in Melbourne, still in a primary school. The first year, what I attended new school, the first trip with the new class.

"Can you pass me the gum, please?" he asked, genuinely frightening me, because my heart started faster rate immediately.

We were discussing with Chan in which shop to go next, when it happened. Despite the fact that so many years had went by for now, I still remember it well. At the same time, I remember everything that's associated with him too much.

"Sure," I smiled at him, boosting myself to the gum. "here you are,"
"Thanks,"

Okay, that was 11 words.

In Melbourne lots of exiting things happened. For example, the same evening we went to evening ride along the canals, which in itself was a very fun experience. So behind our company (at that moment, me, Chan, Cassie, Micha) there was Cole's gang (if I remember correctly, besides Cole, there were David and Corey), and .. well, yes, it turned out that Jason was sitting in there. Cute.

At night, we had so-called confession, as we talked about all kinds of things which we normally don't talk about (girls' talk, you know). Of course, we get to the boys topic sometime.

I knew at the time that I like Jason and stuff, but, despite girls' demanding (and believe me, they know how to demand), my mouth remained shut. I just wasn't ready to talk about it.

The next morning I and Chan went to eat breakfast before others, after that we could sit on the web and take a nap maybe. Cassie and Micha were also with us, the rest were asleep, so we were alone. After we went to our hotel room, downloading the images to computer, and just chatting.

About half 11 we heard a knock on the door. Micha was the closest to the door, so she went to open it. I thought , our teacher had to say that we should begin to move to the bus, but instead Micha found Jason and Zack (who at that point there was even an absolutely normal, can you imagine).

"Samele asked to tell you that breakfast ends after 10 minutes, so ..." said Jason.
OMG, what is it now? She really couldn't find someone else?
"We had already eaten, thank you," said Michelle.
"Ah, well okay, we go then,"

Yeah, that was fun. Melbourne was really fun.

***

The first summer, when I was in love, passed somehow. I mean, I couldn't think, that something might come out at all. I didn't think I'm going to evolve something. But fate had other plans. And as soon as it started the last year of primary school, the 'fun' started.

On 28th August we went to school to get our books. Since I got there sooner than Micha and Chantal, I got to wait for them. I was looking through the books (as I am so acquisitive .. haha, no!) When I felt someone's eyes on me, I raised my owns. There he was, three meters away, having his backpack with textbooks in his hands.

Jason's eyes bore into me, and I felt sth in my heart. This look .. it was something special. Not that he would come talk to me or something, but still, it was something.

Two months spent in school (thinking of him, of course), but without any cases. But things started to happen after that special day when I went to redo physics test and found him, playing the guitar. Yes, it was a turning point.

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