05.08.12

MNLS #10: The Beginning


Jason

"Love Hurts". Once I simply loved that song. Now it is true. Oh, and back then I thought you have to be such a fool to believe that songs can predict something. I could've concluded that from "The Secret".

"Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They're not foolin' me
"

It was quite late - yeah, I know. What fool would still spend time at school, although, the lessons are over? But the truth was, it was the only place I could be alone. 
At least I thought this way.

Anywho, yes, it was late, there was no one at school and I could hear every sound. That's when I heard how she came down the steps. I didn't stress her out that way back then, though.
Not yet.

Oh, and I sure didn't know who it was there.
Not yet.

The steps stopped.
Click, click, click.
Silence.
So?

I was about to stop the play and go and look up who it was, but my intuition suggested it may be a cleaner lady and it would be stupid to stop playing just because of that.
Despise my intuition,  I was really haunted by that mysterious silence. My other half of the intuition was pretty sure there has to be smth more.

But back then, I wasn't that feelings person who would listen to his emotional side. I was all principal.
Let me stress out the word 'was'.

"I know it isn't true, I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts......ooh, ooh love hurts
ooh, ooh love hurts
" 

Sometimes I was thinking why they do make songs so shirt. The silence filled my ears and I heard someone sucking for air.
Okay..?
I turned my gaze at the wall which hid the steers behind itself.
So right time.

Behind the wall peeked out Caroline. Even though I was still with Jade then, it was Caro who interested me. I had this strange feeling of protecting her or smth..
I wasn't sure then.

She grew numb and dropped her gaze.
Socializing with girls was pretty hard for me back then.
Yeah, I know. I had my girl and still problems.

Let's just say my job was more important for me, not girls. Jade was more for like camouflage or disguise or whatever.
Although I might have felt smth for her... I guess. Maybe. Likely.

"So how was it?" I asked, putting the guitar aside.
I think it was to avoid an awkward situation. And, as the future showed, it led me to the happiest thing ever.
"It was amazing..." she said dreamily as if she was floating in the clouds.

I half-smiled in my mind, but later understood it was very stupid to do that.
If someone is in love with you, you should not make fun of her or her feelings.
I didn't know it then.

"Really?" I was surprised. Are she kidding me or anything?
"For sure. Why do you ask?" Wow.
"Well .. they said it was terrible, in the music school. That I play horrible and so." 
It was true. The teacher literally covered his ears and explained more or less polite that I have no musical talent.
"They did? I wouldn't say that at all,"


"Hmmph. It seems you're the only one. Even my girlfriend thinks it's terrible"
Hell yes. Jade was a complete chick. And she hated when I played. She hated the art at all. Someone wants to explain me why I started dated her? Oh right, Zack...
"She must be such a fool then..." Wait, what? "I wanted to say..." Holy shit, girl, I like you. Wait, what?

"Why were you listening behind a wall?" I suddenly changed the topic, ignoring my own thoughts.
She sent me a dumb look.
"Well, you know, you would listen here, too. I don't bite," Depends.
"I didn't think about that..." she stuttered an answer. Nice, I've just scared her.

"Well, okay then," I said, standing up.
The work waited to be done.
Right.
"Why did you choose that song?" she asked suddenly, following me to the cloakroom.
Why would you do that to me?

"It's time like this," I told her glumly, trying to give a hint I don't want to talk about that.
Please don't start talking about that whole relationship thing.
She breathed in lots of air.
Does she have some breathing difficulties?
"Ooookay," I heard as I was leaving.

I don't know why I hadn't said anything else. Maybe because I was about being late and you must not be late in maffia.
Mildly saying.
But I guess, it was mostly because she got me thinking.

Really, why did I choose that song? Why did I date Jade? Why was I listening to Zack?
Something clicked in my head.
I can work for Zack, but I will never listen to his orders about my personal life. It is not written in omerta.

***

After a couple of hours

"Jason!"
I rolled my eyes, although, it was certain he will come. I had just finished deleting comments from Twitter. MySpace, too.
"Jason!" loud sounds were only showing how angry Zack was.
Sure.

"I'm here,"
I closed my laptop which was with me almost all the time. Mostly 'cause I needed that while working, but also because I had to "write off" often and Word was a good place to do that.
I stood up, trying to get myself ready for Zack.

"I don't understand why you broke up with her," Zack's voice filled the room as he broke in my "office".
"Cause I don't like her?" I suggested as he didn't know that.
Of course he did. Better than anyone else.

"It wasn't a problem then. What happeneed?"
I knew Zack wouldn't care if I started telling him that whole I-have-no-feelings-for-her stuff. If I wasn't a feelings person, then Zack was emotionless at all.
At all.

And suddenly - thank you, maffia, 'cause there actually is something more useful than money because of you - a wonderful idea popped into my head. "Don't you think I can now concentrate on work more? You know, there's no girls who will interrupt..."

Wow. That is extraordinary even for me. But it seems...
I watched Zack's face expression and even though it was hard to understand anything, I saw he liked the idea. He hadn't even figured it out by himself!

Then he punched my elbow. You may say it was all that bro-thing, but look deeper and you'll realize Zack was anything else but a friend to me. Whatever else, but a friend. Colleague? Boss?
Maybe.

"Very good, J, you got it," You could take that as a friendly talk as well, but there was that note in his voice which made me understand he was mad he didn't think of it by himself.
Hmm .. should you envy someone because of that? Whatever. "Always and forever dedicated to work,"

He didn't say anything, just turned on his heels - theoretically - and exited the room.
"Don't forget to make a sad face at school. No one must understand," He was threatening me.
I nodded, though, he couldn't see it as he was already gone.

I plopped back on the chair and opened mylaptop.
I ensured you I wasn't feeling person but smth ordered me to open Google and type "Caroline Forbz". The first one was obviously her Facebook wall, but she was added as a friend there already. However, I've never looked at her profile, just accepted her friend request.

I looked around at her wall, actually having no idea what I'm doing.
Caroline, what is going on?

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