SL #29: Rise before the fall
They always tell you, there's rise before the fall .. but they forget to mention, there's also the fall after the rise. Because they all want to hope for the best only.
Work for school.
I chose especially something (cleaning the art class) where he would never go - I controlled even he wouldn't be there.
It's not like I didn't want to be with him, but .. well, I knew back then he'll understand something and it would only make him more suspicious.
I just didn't want to make our situation tenser than it was. We didn't even almost socialize and making him more suspicious wouldn't be the best idea.
When I signed myself up, he'd chosen moving the tables around the school.
When I signed myself up...
But when I entered the art a couple of weeks later, he was there and doodled something.
Oh, did I really dare to say doodle?! He draws absolutely stunning pictures.
Anyway, the teacher wasn't around, so it was axiomatic - I guess it was? - to exchange at least some words.
"Art society?" I asked, fidgeting by the door.
I still hadn't got used to speaking to him. Ya know .. he's scared of talking to me and I'm scared of talking to him. It was easier in MSN, but the year was different. Something had changed.
If only I knew what exactly it was.
"Um, no," He added some lines to the picture. "Work for school."
I tried for my life to keep my mouth shut.
Pencil, which I was fiddling with, fell on the floor.
Jason looked at me, his brow raised.
I blushed slightly, hiding myself under the tablet to get the pencil back.
What the hell? What is he doing here? He was about to move the desks around... "Weren't you somewhere else? When I signed myself up, there was no one in the list aside from me..." I tried to sound as usual, believable.
I'm not sure whether I failed or not.
"Oh," he said recklessly, looking at his work again. "Some things came along. The only things were left were grooming the football field, cleaning the canteen or the art class,"
"I see," I drew circles on the table with my finger. "What are you drawing there, after all?"
"Come and look," he said with a sly smirk.
I raised my brow mentally. What would that smirk mean?
I walked unsteadily to his table.
"Wow," was all I could say. Firstly, because the wolf Jason had drawn was like a photo - it looked so real. And secondly .. his closeness sent lots of electricity through my body.
Jason smirked like a fox again. "Like what you see, huh?"
"Ah, nothing special. Just everyday stupp,"
"You must be kidding? I wish it was at least something alike the wolf when I take pencil in my hand. What only goes right in my case are butterfly wings,"
"That still something,"
Ade's right. I should stop lying. Especially to the one I love .. Wait, did I really say that? Could it really be true? No one knows. No, wait, little correction: I don't know.
But the truth was, I was trying to save the situation a bit - I really attended that goddamn cleaning only because of her.
I hate cleaning.
And that how she was trying to act like it's totally okay when you actually could see how nervous she was. It was .. cute.
Yeah .. I could lie to Caro .. to Adrianna, but somewhere deep inside I knew I loved her. I was just so cowardly .. or a total ass by not admitting it to myself - imagine that: to myself! My actions - and actually thoughts, too, though she couldn't see them - were the only ones that showed that.
Kui ma muidugi suutsin käituda õigesti, mitte nii nagu pidin. Ei juhtu just eriti tihti, aga kui juhtub .. siis juhtub.
And now she was here, so close I could simply reach my hand out and touch her. I really wanted to do that.
Reach out my hand and tuck Caro's soft hair behind her ear. Maybe take her face between my hands and kiss her...
Mm .. how about you stop dreaming? Have you actually forgotten Caroline is just like Ade - she can read you better than whoever else?
I needn't to worry, though: Caroline followed the wolf I had drawn - yes, of course I knew she adores them - with her eyes and traced the lines on the paper with her finger.
"How do you do that?" she asked quietly. It was probably to herself but I decided to answer anyway. At least 'cause I liked to talk to her.
"I don't know, it just .. comes out," I shrugged.
I observed her face closely - she didn't look at me at all, btw... - and saw she blushed after I'd answered.
So I was right: she really didn't know she had said it out aloud.
And then she looked at me. Two grayish-blue eyes. Tempestuous ocean, as I liked to call that color.
"'Just comes out'? You are joking. Or no, you have talent," I looked at the picture again, then at him and sighed: "How I wish I had talent to..."
His gaze got more intense.
I tilted my head.
Since when would he look at me like this? I mean, before we would just look at each other for a couple of seconds and then look away, but .. he's eyeing me, really. It's really cute, of course, only that .. only that it makes me wanna do something I must not do.
"You gotta have something," he said, not turning his intense eyes away. "What are you good at?"
I shrugged. "Not singing, for sure. Nor drawing.."
"Can play some musical instrument?"
I smiled as a picture of him, playing the guitar, appeared before my eyes. I shook my head.
He pursed his lips.
Please don't do that, please, I begged him in my head and was ready to close my eyes just to concentrate on my plea. Why are you doing this to me while knowing exactly how much it affects me...
"I know," he said suddenly, "you're good at writing,"
I smiled at him. If only he read my diary .. wait, he must not read it. "Yes, indeed I am. The only thing I am good at. "Compared to your gazillion,"
If only you knew all of them, my love, you wouldn't be that happy anymore.
The teacher visited us only some times. First, when she explained what we had to do, and then came along two or three times to check if we do our job well. Actually it was pretty nice. I would have never thought it could be just two of us and that it would be so amazing.
But we had good time. We would look at each other all the time, he helped me with the heavy boxes .. obviously he had to take them from my hands so our hands would touch every time. It was all cute, but we never broke that line.
And then I thought that he really fulfilled his promise, that we could be friends. Only that I wasn't sure if I should smile at that or cry because that's all we'd ever be.
But in comparison to the following days it was totally nothing to worry about. At that moment I couldn't even think things would go even crazier like they were. And more terrible. Yes, terrible is the word.
(A/N: Photos: http://s1164.photobucket.com/albums/q576/LunaeFelis/Alustame%20tyliga%20ja%20tyli%20ise/?action=view¤t=5ee32c63.pbw&ps=1&t=1342044754)