SL #33: It's all just a game


That's rather depressing. I should not think 'bout her that much. Why am I even thinking about her, again? Oh.
And there she came.
I should have known.

Actually I guessed she'll change her routine of coming extra early to "spend more time with me in the morning".
I probably underrated her.

She came proudly, earphones on, just like she didn't notice me. 'Til the last second. Then she raised her eyes abruptly, looking, just for a moment, at me. She clattered to her coat-hook and bustled there, like I didn't exist at all.
Not a single glance, nothing.

I walked past her but she had to turn aroung just then. I knew it wasn't on purpose at all, but still .. that electric shock I felt, when her hand touched my shoulder...

Jason Lockwood, leave it alone. Now.
She sent me a glance, but didn't say anything. After that she left, ignoring me again.
Shivers pierced my heart. Her indifference hurt .. even if I knew I was the reason.

Fuck that.
I wasn't alone for long, though - wait, I was still in the cloakroom? WTF?

"Hey," her flirtive tone'd driven me insane already. From the first sound, from the first moment.
Is there a bucket somewhere near? I gotta throw up.
"Hey," I pressed though the teeth, but tried to sound at least a bit friendly.
If you want to play that game, Caroline, let's play.


"I heard 'The King's Speech' was good.." Analeigh sent me what she thought was a seductive glance.
I wanted to raise my brows but her eyes scanned every centimeter of my face, so she would have noticed that immediately.
Oh god, how pushy can one chick be?

"I've already seen 'Black Swan' .. what do you think?"
Cute, I gotta answer that, I guess. "Hmm," I pretended to think about it.
Analeigh made puppy dog eyes .. no, actually she bugged them out, so she looked like a toad. 
How mean I am.

"'Black Swan' was quite good .. very good, even,"
I actually didn't plan on telling Analeigh how much I got affected by that movie.
"'The King's Speech' .. let me think. When do you want to go?" I asked and looked surreptitiously at Caro over Analeigh's shoulder.
She wasn't looking at me at the moment but I was sure she'd noticed .. us already.
"I was thinking .. tomorrow evening maybe?"

I scrolled through my plans for next day .. Zack hadn't told me anything, so I was free.
I smiled at that I-want-to-have-all-of-the-attention-at-me. "Friday evening sounds great,"
"Oh, nice,"

Friday evening. Sounds like a date. Argh.
I saw she was about to say something, but I was tired of her flirtatious buss. I laughed in her face - she'd said something funny, hadn't she? Let's hope it was a joke - and made my way to the bench.
Oh no, not again, I rolled eyes in my mind, because bumped into next person who disgusts me.

"Well, man, see you have a next chick in the offing," Not letting me finish - and why, by all rights, would he need my opinion? -, Zack said: "Not bad. That one is not that messy at least. Sam said had to be quite good,"
Um, where's my bucket?

I shrugged. "Cool,"
He punched my shouldered. "True man you are,"
True man? How, I would like to know..


"On the packs is written where they have to be delivered and at what time, like always,"
Zack sent me a look and I nodded.
I knew that the only thing I could do normally now was work. That exactly now, when I was angry, I could concentrate and dedicate to work 100%.

You're driving on the speedway, delivering stuff where ever it's needed, you don't think .. okay, actually you do. Yes, you do.
I could have hoped Caro would leave my head while I'm at job .. I was always alone before, but she never left me anymore. I could do whatever, where ever, when ever .. she was still there .. here, in the certain place of my mind, like she had moved in and got a room there.

I couldn't even answer, if it annoyed me or I liked that. It was like .. on the one hand, you want to be alone. That no one would interrupt you, get on your nerves .. but at the same time you feel like you always have support. Like .. I and Caro didn't have anything serious - not then -, but I already knew she'd always have my back.

She made it clear all the time, with words, actions and .. looks. With all her being. She wanted me to to be supported by her.
And the truth was, I wanted it, too. Beside her, I was most likely me only near Ade. I hadn't to pretend or be someone else. I could be myself and that was really important for me.

Only that this stupid argument .. that stupid argument I was so guilty for .. it had ruined everything. It had crushed all the .. support and everything else. Nothing was like it was before and the first time in my life I regretted that.

(photos: http://s1164.photobucket.com/albums/q576/LunaeFelis/?action=view&current=fb0d2040.pbw&ps=1&t=1343767155)

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