SL #35: Mommy, she is in love with the criminal


I breathed in and out deeply.
I was used to my usual job, but every law has exceptions. I could have been caporegime who would usually give orders, but when the boss says you're to go and accomplish the task, you don't actually have any choice.

Being the roundsman was okay. You drive around calmly, observing the surroundings - everything's alright with that usually - and simply deliver the "goods", getting the money in return.
But when you are told to drive and kill this and that guy, you're not exactly calm...

The good thing was, I worked alone. If I had been a solderier, someone would have always be with me .. or I would have been with someone.
But I was a caporegime and that made things lots of easier, as if it was possible in mafia.

And why I was happy for being alone .. I wouldn't bear someone seeing my condition. Nervous, distant .. weird.
Caro was still there. Not on my mind anymore: she pushed on further.

I didn''t even have to think about her: it felt like she was following every step of mine or in the car with me...
You're insane, Jason. She's not here.

I could hear Caroline's happy laugh. That laugh .. Jake's ears head when he'd said something detestably witty to the girl.
She seemed so happy .. only when her eyes landed on me for a second, just for a second, I could see there .. guilt maybe?

But why would she feel guilty? Especially in front of me? I'm no one to her...
Only that acknowledging that fact to myself made my inside hurt very bad. Because she obviously was someone to me .. even though I didn't show it that often.


I focused on inhaling and exhaling. The rhytm of my heartbeat calmed me down and the peace was something I needed then.

Uh, so you'd like to know can you be calm before killing someone? Oh, I don't know .. maybe it's just because mafia where you can learn the most frenzied things. The control of emotions and feelings is actually a very good and useful thing.

"Okay, I'm ready," I muttered quietly and opened the car door.
Let me add another point to the pros of working alone.

The night was dark, exactly as I needed to move around silently and unnoticed.
It was one of these preternatural moments when I didn't feel anything. Probably it was because I didn't allow myself to think.

Not exactly at all, but .. I didn't let myself think of Caro. I blocked her with all my power, though she was intrusive. I knew if I let myself loose, even just for a second, she'll be there just then, in my head, and I won't be able to kill anyone that night...

All the lights were off and, strangely, even two of the closest street lights.
Zack? a sudden thought went through my head and it didn't feel that weird anymore.

I eyed the windows on the second floor, trying to calculate on the shortest way. From the backyard I saw that one window was open. So it was the bedroom. Nights in Australia are hot, you know.

Climbing up turned out to be easier than I thought, because the house had a porch in the back, so it was even too easy to climb. Even though I had to stay as quiet as possible.
Trust me, I knew how to be quiet when needed.

I boosted myself on the window sill - silently as well - and realized I wasn't wrong about my assumption: it really was a bedroom. And someone was sleeping in a bed.
I climbed inside, trailing every step with circumspection.

It's him, my brain whispered. Although I already knew it.
The last breath before the definitive step and...

My brain sent lots of uncensored phrases which wasn't spoken out, though, as I'd already too much on my shoulders.
"You little son of a bitch," the man hissed, having just knocked me off feet.
A baseball bat in his hands wasn't exactly inviting.

I groped for my  revolver, which had fallen somewhere under the bed or where ever.
Like I don't have enough problems to worry about.

"You missed," I hissed bitterly as the bat made a deep hole in the floor hardly 10 cm from my head.
"You really wanna see my brains all over your floor?" I asked, rolling away from the next impact.

"Stop this twirling here?" he yelled.
I tried to stand up, but he stepped on my foot.
Oh, shit.

I growled, ignoring the pain. Just today I'd decided I wouldn't need the knife.
Not that I was against slit throats .. in the movies, not in real life.
I pulled leg brusquely towards me, causing his - whatever his name was - fall. The bat rolled in the safe distance and I had a microsecond to find my revolver.
Roomasin kiiresti voodini ning siis selle alla, et pesapallikurikas minu selja asemel voodit tabaks.

"You better come out, asshole,"
The following punches rather insisted it wasn't that good idea.
I pulled the trigger and the bullet hit his foot.
5 more.

He gnarled and lapsed on his knees to get me out under the bed.
Perfect moment.
The bullet hit him right in the forehead and he collapsed on the floor. The bat nestled next to him, now totally harmless beside its owner.

I rolled our from the other side of the bed and cleaned my clothes from the dust.
I looked at the dead man, who was lying now totally harmless, for the last time. The blood was streaming down his face on the floor, creating a small pool.

I listened, but didn't hear anything: no screaming, hassling nor police sirens. Well, what can I say: you're taught to operate quietly on purpose, and the suppressor isn't a decoration, too.

Mission complete, I thought to myself, starting the car and heading somewhere I could now restore my energy and persuade myself that I hadn't just committed a crime I could get imprisoned for.

Infinite lies.


I'm being silly now.
It was ironic to think I was gonna to meet Caro here, in the forest depth.
Of course I knew she liked to go for walks in the forest or by the sea, but late in the evening while it's raining? It sounds more like me.

Through the rain plip-plop I still managed to hear someone's footsteps. Someone was dangerously close to me.
I groped my gun on the side and, letting my hand there, I quietly lurked - thanks to the rain - to the thickest tree to observe the interrupter.

Oh.. Universe, sure I know how it all works, but not that straight, okay!?
Caroline danced in the rained, like it was the best weather ever.
Maybe I underrated her and she's not as girly as I thought? Hmm..

The girl looked at me and I saw black stripes on her cheeks. I frowned.
Is/was she crying or is it because of the rain? Hard to say.
But what if she cried? Am I the cause?
Caroline still hadn't seen me, she turned around instead and, lingering for a moment, started to walk away.

Suddenly seeing her made my heart beat rapidly. My brain, too: it was now filled with million thoughts.
I missed her. I would give everything then to run after her and put my arms around her.
I wanted her back, as much as "together" we were.
I loved her, it was still sure, though I didn't want to admit it.

Only that who had she fallen for?
She was in love with the criminal.


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