26.11.12

SL #39: The gathering

People kept coming, but he wasn't still there.

"Don't glare, Caro," Michelle whispered next to me and surprisingly it was good-hearted even. "Someone may notice,"
And I understood that it had now occured to her also, that Jason WAS love of my whole life and nothing could change that.

Micha didn't believe in such things. Maybe that's why we'd have so many set-tos. She couldn't understand how you can stick around one person even if one doesn't give anything in return. Moreover, how can you love one. And how can you love them if you have never truly been with them.
However, one day everybody understands. Everything takes time. 'Specially finding the right one.

And when I turned around next time, I found the right one leaning on the wall, and I was more likely way too deep in my thoughts to hear door closing after he, Ed and Doug entered.
The party was a different story now because Jason managed to make me smile.
How was he able to? He doesn't even know. He doesn't even try.

Jason looked at me. While leaning on the wall that way, wearing black jeans and black hoodie - like always -, he reminded me of a bad oy more than ever. His caramel-colored hair was on his eyes, but he wasn't to push them away, so I had an urge to do it by myself. He smiled at me cutely, and moved to others with Ed and Doug, flumping down on the sofa between Josh, Drake, Doug and all other guys who played Monopoly, and I couldn't help myself but thinking about big and small fish again.
But when I saw him smiling, even with his eyes, I thought that maybe he really wants to be happy that time, amid everyone.

I focused on the cake again. Making it was much more fun when I knew Jason was her and can taste it later.
"Caro," Alasia suddenly said in a weird voice. "Why'd you grin like you'd just killed enemy of your life?"
I tried to smile more girly. "Better?"

She shook her head. "You didn't answer,"
I moved my chin towards the coffee table which was inbetween two sofas and she turned there. A bright smile appeared on her face.
"Now I understand,"

I looked at her ambigously.
"Does it really feel like that?"
"What?" I didn't understand at first.
"I mean .. how does it work? How is it even possible? That he just is and you're in the seveth heaven at the same time. You're not even together or anything,"

"It's hard to explain," I said, doing away with the cake and putting it in the fridge. I shrugged. "I don't know. It just works that way."
"It's so strange,"
"It is,"

"But then again .. you're happy mostly and I think it can be fun,"
"Mostly - yes. But there are these moments..." My thoughts snapped back to the events that had happened lately. Girls knew we had made up, but I hadn't told any of them how exactly it happened. For me it was something intimate and strangely I had no intention of telling them - I mean, I would always tell them everything. 

"I'm happy you made peace,"
"Yeah, that's true, but still .. during these moments .. you feel yourself so dead. You want to be dead because it's so terrible," My expression was cloudy when I recalled December.
Alasia nodded, understanding. "But .. you're still here, right? And you're happy .. it's not a mask, is it?"

I smiled warmly at the girl. "Yesh, now it's all alright," I let my eyes wonder at Jason for a moment and I found him eyeing me. It brought a smile on my face and I directed it to him. He smiled back at me.
"I'm sure it won't happen again.We were able to solve it,"
Alasia caugh my glance and smiled smugly. "I see. Are you now..?"

My smile faded slightly. "No," my answer was a little sharper than I wanted.
"Sorry, I didn't..."
"No, I should apologize," I turned my eyes at her. "I just .. you know what an idee fixe it is for me,"

Alasia gave me a smile again . "I think you should go there," She pointed with her head towards the sofas where guys where still playing Monopoly.
I raised a brow playfully. "Now why should I,"
She shrugged innocently. "I think he'd like that,"

I shook my head. "The fact we had end hostilities, once again, doesn't mean he would show his .. interest? more,"
"Dunno .. I'd say he's gazing at you with interest,"
"Really?!" I half-yelled and wanted to turn around, but Alasia grabbed my hand.

"Just go there. Don't show you're as interested as he is. You know what are they like," She winked at me, guileful.
I smiled foxily. "Okei,"

I turned around with perseverance and saw Jason turning his head back to the table.
So Alasia is right, huh? I would never guess...
I slumped into the beanie chair, which was diagonally located to sofa Jason had occupied. He sent me a look, a covert glimmer in his eyes I couldn't understand, and focused on the game again.

After 5 minutes I'd spent with guys - yes, I prefer companies consisting of 99% boys and I'm 1% girl -, I understood they have an odd game where they try to make Doug lose.
Guys...

I looked at the table, enchanted, because it was so fun observing guys doing their business and laughing...
Jake's hand stretched itself 10 centimeters from me and I almost jumped on my seat. I straigthened my spine and closed eyes for a moment. Opening them a second later, I found a stretching Jason just above me.

I looked at him, wide-eyed, as he put something on the table - I mean, c'mon, how would I notice that, too, if on one side of there was Jason's sixpack and on the other Jake's hand?! -, and sat back, his eys now on me again, and by the way he sat next to Jake 'cause Drake had magically disappeared.
What the hell is actually going on?

Suddenly Jason took his hoodie off, remaining only in his T-shirt. There was something like .. "Fuck..." on it, but I couldn't gaze for too long to make out. After all, I managed to gawk at his sixpack for the second time during 5 minutes.

"Mike, do you have any guitar?" Jason suddenly asked the guy.
He nodded and went to get it from upstairs where the bedrooms were.
What is he planning? I glanced at Jason and saw him smiling foxily. Hmm...

"Here you go," Mike passed Jason the guitar, who embraced it and muttered "thanks".
He adjusted it and let his fingers slip over the strings. Getting done with that, he started playing.

Under his fingers a guitar version of "Mad World" formed. I had never heard our class that quiet. All the buzz stopped at the moment Jason's fingers touched the strings and everyone, no matter where they were or what they did, turned their heads and gazed at the young man.

I saw his lips moving, but he didn't sang aloud.
"And I find it kinda funny,
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had."

I sang along with him in my head, because he was the one who shared it once with me. It was sad, yes, but thought-provoking at the same time, and we liked to think about something with Jason.
When he fnished, silence hung in the room at first and then everyone started to apploud wildly.

I was happy. First, I was surrounded by my best class and we had amazing time together. Secondly, I and Jason were back to being friends. And maybe even more than friends... And last but not least, I finally got to listen to Jason live. And that was wonderful if you ask me.

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