24.05.13

Shadows from the Past #1: A Look in the Past

Jake, 5 years ago

Damn. Damnation. Seriously. Just how dared I. 

I saw her approaching the headmaster, shaking his hand, then turning around, smiling at the public - tho I'm totally sure not me - and goes to her place by Jason.
Fuck. Rotter. Scoundrel. Scumbag. That's what you are, Evans. Nothing good. You know, you won't be successful that way.

I dully watched the people, knowing I shouldn't have come. However, it was graduation. It was the end. For me, more bad than good. Whereas others are rejoicing for finishing high school, moving on to the further life: move out that shitty town, college, family, job, career... I knew exactly what I'm going to do. I didn't have much of a chance. Or, let me be more specific, not at all. I didn't complain. I liked mafia. Because hey! c'mon, okay. It was something totally different.Yeah, right, you can start telling me how bad it is, killing people and ruining others' lives. But please don't forget that people I kill are "bad", who kill you, civilians, and lives I ruin have lost too much to care. Some people can't be fixed. Deal with it.
A picture of Caroline flashed in my head. Her petite fragile body was dressed in an ivory dress with a skillfully adjusted wispy brown belt on it. On her neck there was a gold seashell necklace.
Sea. Caro. Memories. 
Caro was dressed simply but sapid. "Beauties" in boufannt dresses weren't even half as beautiful as she was. 
I gazed at her today wavy hear that fell on her back as a cascade. She looked good with wavy hear. She looked good with and in everything. She was perfect. But she wasn't mine anymore. Why? 'Cause I was an idiot.
*
They looked cute together. Yeah, that sounds girly. I noticed half of the girls shooting envious glances at Caro. Obviously. She had everything she needed and even more. I knew she had a bright future before her. Exactly as she had planned. 
Everything will happen in an exact way she wants it. She deserves it. She's a good person. Perfect.
I leaned on the metal railing and was finishing my champagne. I saw a car rolling in the courtyard. Although it was dark I saw the number plate and got an adrenalin rage inside me. 
Job. Finally.
Back door was opened and a man, who was sitting in there, waved at me. I thought how "cool" and nifty it would have been to throw my champagne glass into the pieces. 
Next time.
I left it on the table, tore the tie off and whirred inside.
Just then, just at that exact moment she had to stand in my way. I looked at her. Her eyes met mines. Jason was nowhere around.
Her eyes weren't showing any emotion. Not even hate. I knew of course, Caro didn't stay mad for long. Besides, she'd said that maybe some day she'd forgive me. Nonetheless, I knew that even if she did, I wouldn't be around anymore. Not here, a part of her life.
I sent her one last look and stormed outside witout saying anything. I knew, had I opened my mouth, I wouldn't have been able to stop anymore. It wouldn't lead anywhere, though, would be pointless. I could make a fool of myself and tell her everything, but I was waited for. So, as it wouldn't have changed anything anyway, I decided to leave it the way it was. So it was better for everyone.
I knew that as soon as I broke the eye contact, there appeared what I didn't want to show her. I wanted her to know, but I knew it would only make her eyes ask questions answers to which would hurt her.
I slipped in cold evening air and inhaled. Cold air also cooled down my thoughts. I was able to think sober again. I walked calmly to the car and climbed inside.
"They redirect you," Charlie said and took out a cigarette.
I hated its smell, but he didn't know and you aren't making any reproofs to your boss, even though you're just a step behind.
"Redirect?" I echoed. I gazed in front of me. We set off.
"Melbourne. There's a bigger gang. Excuse me," Charlie stopped for a second and blew out a puff of smoke. I tried to breathe in smaller amounts of air.
"I put it wrong way. They wanna close the one here. Cops got scent of it. We gotta quit. Some will stay, of course. The club has to stay, or else it would be weird. Majority is redirected, tho,"
"It means that..?"
"You're the boss of the bigger gang now, yes,"
"Whoa," I breathed out. Not that I wouldn't be able to manage. Of course would. I now had too many emotions that needed to be got rid of. Redirected elsewhere.
"Do you agree?" Charlie looked at me waiting, but I knew he knew I would.
"Of course," I confirmed his thoughts.
I looked out the window. The building was almost out of sight. But I knew she was there. Of course she was. Partying with her girl friends and love of her life. Did what she was worth and wanted.
I didn't see her anymore, but still felt her. She was in my heart and on mind, my body still remembered hers.
"Then welcome to the new life, Jake,"
I nodded.
New life. Life without Caroline.

You know, girl, you will be forever in my system. Whether you want it or not. I was a jerk for letting you go. I could have learned and make you stay.
But now .. by, my dear. Bye, Caro. Goodbye, my Love.
Hello, mafia, new love of my life.
***
Present time
I've been searching for that for a while. Passion, lust, satisfaction. No feelings, no emotions - just sex. Like I used to do before I met her. Nothing mattered.
I lost her because of my own stupidity and arrogance, and now I had to pay. There was no way back.
"Hey, pretty boy,"
I looked up at the blonde cake-faced girl in front of me. She couldn't have been more than 18, even with her make-up.
"Looking for something?" Her one hand was holding the pole while the other slowly moved along her body - starting from her breasts and moving lower.
She may have been gracious even had she not been a prostitute, a thought crept into my mind. I eyed her and felt lust in my lower part. Nothing else, nowhere else.
Without her make-up and clothes she could have been a beautiful young lady. But life knows no mercy. She was pushed to the limits and that's what she's chosen.
I did not come here to feel sorry and find depth in every slut. Not that depth anyway. My darker side had suddenly cropped up. I needed to find release.
I reached out and pulled her on my lap.
"Oh, yes, I'm looking for something," I whispered huskily in her ear. She jerked at my unexpected change of mood, but then let loose again.
She was used to it. She was used to everything.
I moved my hands along her sides, down her legs and up inner tights. She inhaled deeply as my fingers were at teasing distance from her intimate zone.
"Maybe we get a room?" She asked hoarsely, obviously turned on.
"No," I said firmly.
I looked over her bared shoulder at the barman and snapped my fingers.
"Clear the place," I mouthed.
The guy nodded and turned off the music. The hookers knew what it meant, so they grabbed their customers and disappeared into the rooms. The place was ready.
The girl smiled at me. In her eyes I could read her thought of being special as I ordered to get rid of everyone from the room so I could fuck her.
She wasn't. I just needed something different.
She approached in what was by her means "sexy walk" and put her hands around my neck, running them on my shoulders.
I grabbed her so tightly she squealed and pushed on the counter.
She sat there eagerly, spread her legs and leaned on her hands, waiting for me. I came closer, grabbing her firmly by waist and bit her neck hardly.
She stilled at the suddenness of moment but didn't scream from pain. As I said, she was used to it. I moved my hands towards her intimates and saw in her eyes her assurance that she is the one who will be pleased.
Wrong guy, bitch.

In a sudden moment I pulled her from the counter, pushing roughly against its side.

"We're doing it my way, baby," I whispered in her ear, holding her in place with one hand and unzipping my pants with other.

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