After eating we played some volleyball as it wasn't yet growing dark. But while twilight crept by, we divided into groups: some were still drinking on the porch, some sitting on the beach chairs, some doing something inside and the group I and Jason were in was sitting by the fire.
It was nice to have a free atmosphere, without all school and other problems, and just enjoy life.
Crackling of the fire and its warmth always calmed me down and to my big surprise, Jason sat just on the same bench as I.
In Apollo Bays he was .. different. I didn't know what has happened, but the way our relationship has changed .. how we has become so close.
By the fire, there was a group of about 10 people. As there was a mix of alcohol, lateness and everyone has loosened up, we decided to tell each other our opinions on them. It wasn't too personal, so it was good to hear that people mostly like you.
I stretched out my hand towards the fire and adjusted some logs. My hands were just in the fire, but strangely I didn't feel its heat.
However, I was surprised at Jason's care and words.
"Won't you get burned?" Jason's voice tickled my neck, reminding of how close he really were.
Heat of fire is nothing compared to this, right?
I looked over my shoulder and smiled. "I don't feel it really,"
I straightened up my spine and realized suddenly that we were sitting so side by side that even our hips were touching.
Wow. Now that's very .. interesting. Thank you.
And at one moment we somehow just broke away from the company. We remained there physically, but had started a two people conversation and no one tried to invade, so we had our very own private bubble.
"Fire starts burning down," I heard Josh's voice from distance after some time.
And as I haven't built a fire nor brought the wood for a long time, I had an urge to do that.
I stood up and announced that I'd bring the wood soon.
Being a romantic, I was kinda hoping he'd follow me in the shed. It would have been .. interesting. Nonetheless, he was being way too Jason and therefor didn't do it.
I took an armful of the wood and walked out.
Fire company had become quieter - there was only about five people left. I was just sitting down when I figured it was too hot there for me. Yeah, Jason was still there and I would have been very happy to spend more time with him, but I had to keep some distance, didn't I? After all, we weren't together or anything.
I had done some exploring before by Alasia's house and knew that her house is located by wonderful lake. Not only was her house just a kilometer from the sea, but she also had a lake just by her house .. it was truly a paradise. For sure, 'twas cosy to sit on the built pier during any other time of the day, too, but at night it was especially magical. The sun had already set and the view was gorgeous. I loosened myself up even more, concentrated on my breathing and...
"May I join?" someone I too soon made out tho asked.
And how was it even possible that I did not? "Yes, of course," How cute.
"Why are you alone here?" he asked and took a seat by me.
Inadvertently, I noticed how close he was. There were just some centimeters between us. Principles, my beloved one? a thought appeared in my mind, but then I remembered how much has changed. "You know I like being alone,"
And at that moment I realized how much we have actually changed during all that time - these 2,5 years. Though, in reality it felt like lots of more years has passed by.
And how much everything has changed!
It all started with a mere affection and .. oh, right, I totally forgot again that he's not really mine.
Anyway, yeah. Thinking back now - how vain and pointless our conversations were in the beginning. I was so shy... When did it change?
"Loneliness of the mind is like a diet for the body - sometimes it is necessary, but should not last for too long because of being perilous,"
I opened my mouth to answer him, but then recalled a memory - I had used the sentence in MSN. A bit more and I would have started opening and closing my mouth like a fish.
"I see you're surprised,"
"Em .. yup. It was in my MSN a year ago! How did you .. Oh god, silly me. You surely didn't take it from there .. I..." Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"The truth is .. it is from there,"
Wh-aat? "You're only making me more confused,"
"Sorry. Personal messages, you know,"
"Um .. yes, right. Why'd you remember that one?"
"I remember such things as they're about me. Don't think that you, girls, are the only ones that notice and remember everything. And well .. it seemed like your PM's were about me really often,"
"You read them?" Wow. One big WOW.
"Sorta all the time. They're .. interesting..," He looked at me and as I was still gaping at him with surprise, he continued: "Okay, now that's awkward."
"Eh .. I think I'm the one here who should be awkward because it's true. That they're about you, I mean. But..."
"So you really did notice. And you care even?"
"Why is it so hard to believe in?"
"Just that you .. don't show your care that much. No reaction at all and such,"
"Me not reacting doesn't mean me not caring,"
"So you do care," I muttered more to myself than him. I smiled surreptitiously. "But why don't you react then?"
"It's not always necessary,"
"That's what you think," the words flitted out of my mouth before I even understood that I was saying my thought out loud. Oops.
"Oh, Caro, let's not start with that again," Jason really gave me a pleading look.
How much I adore his eyes... "Okay, sorry, me again with my .. thinking. Overthinking, I wanted to say. Okay, so let's talk about .. why'd you come here?"
"If it gets on your nuts, I can leave," He pretended to stand up.
"No!" I cried out and it echoed 'cause by the lake it was much more silent that at Alasia's. Again, before I thought I grabbed his hand, so he'd sit by my side again. "Stay with me," I murmured.
"Don't worry, I wasn't planning on leaving you,"
I quickly took my hand back, when he sat down, not because it felt like I had grabbed an open electric wire, but more because I didn't want it to be reluctant for him. Of course, he had gone further, of course, but...
Don't get on your "loved one" nerves.
"So why I'm here," he said it just when I was about to ask.
If you're Edward Cullen, then I don't like it. But if that time you really did remember that I asked you about that, you're earning bonus points.
"All these babbling people were driving me to nuts, let's say. Even Jack is drunk. After you left, it got out of hands really. You seem to be the only one that..."
I raised my can of cider, proving I have drunk though. "But don't you think I am drunk. It's not that easy for me. Not that I'd like to be drunk.
"Why are you doing that then?"
That question again. "The taste is good..." So, you asked it again, so I try again. "Wanna try?"
The thought of his lips touching the same can I drank from before and would drink after made me tingle. I wondered whether it would overcome the feeling of his lips touching my cheek...
* It wasn't Micha's idea that after Jason made a copy of her paper, I have to get it because he has touched it, or almost the same idea of Chantal when we were befooling in Esperanto and the guys needed a marker.
"Now it has his scent on it," had Chantal said after I got it back. *
No, that time it was more .. intimate. I don't care it sounds weird. Oh right, way too much.
"Okay, you may give me," Jason answered for my big surprise.
I handed him the can, of which he took a big (!) sip.
"Nah, that's okay," he said after having guggling it down his throat.
"What else have you tried?" I asked after he had given me back the can, and tried to, once again, ignore the vibrations his fingers caused while touching mine. I won't even start wondering whether it was occasional or not. No one knows anyway.
"I've tried vodka at home, but it's pretty gross,"
"Yeah, right. And gets you drunk too easily."
"Have you ever been drunk?" he wondered.
"Nope," I shook my head. "Don't see the point. You get drunk, rage around and wake up with a memory loss. Thank you very much, have seen that kind of classmates enough."
"Yes. Wait a sec..." My mind threw a memory before my eyes and his words .. they were too antithetical to what he had done. "You've never been drunk?"
"No, of course not. Caro, you know my principles about alcohol,"
"Do you remember second party at Josh's?"
He furrowed his brows at the bridge of his nose, recalling the moment. "What about that?"
I exhaled loudly. "You said you've never been drunk, but .. you .. we .. slept in one bed,"
I kept looking at him all the time but after the words had slipped out of my mouth, I quickly turned my gaze at the lake. I also took a big gulp from my cider, so I wouldn't have to say anything in a moment.
He sighed. "Caroline, I don't want you to start that topic again... I asked you not to,"
"I know, Jason, I just..."
And the moment was so perfect .. that sunset, that lake, he by my side ..his lips so close...
I knew he wouldn't do that. And if to reconsider it, I more preferred what he actually did.
Explanation, yay, yay, yay.
"I hoped you have forgotten or anything .. but I mistake that all the time. You never forget anything,"
He smiled at me cutely and that made me smile in response.
"I .. back then I .. I wasn't drunk, true. I just .. when we spent the night just talking .. and then you fall asleep around 4 in the morning .. I wanted .. ah, dunno, it's hard to explain. First, I didn't want you to sleep on the sofa. So I picked you up and took to the bed .. and I was ready to leave, really .. But then my eyes fell on your totally calm, angelic body-" Did he just call me angelic?! Whoa. "I've never felt like that .. I felt an urge to protect you. I didn't want to leave you alone there, even if there wasn't any danger really .. mm," He looked at me intimately. "Does it sound too freaky?"
I was listening to him with such an amusement I couldn't even react in time.
"No, not at all," My words came out in whisper. "Continue,"
He smirked, turned his face towards the lake and fulfilled my wish: "And when I laid down in bed next to you, you turned automatically over and put your hands around me .. and I, well, didn't want to disturb your sleep and finally fell asleep too,"
(photos: first two pictures)