24.05.13

Shadows from the Past #1: A Look in the Past

Jake, 5 years ago

Damn. Damnation. Seriously. Just how dared I. 

I saw her approaching the headmaster, shaking his hand, then turning around, smiling at the public - tho I'm totally sure not me - and goes to her place by Jason.
Fuck. Rotter. Scoundrel. Scumbag. That's what you are, Evans. Nothing good. You know, you won't be successful that way.

I dully watched the people, knowing I shouldn't have come. However, it was graduation. It was the end. For me, more bad than good. Whereas others are rejoicing for finishing high school, moving on to the further life: move out that shitty town, college, family, job, career... I knew exactly what I'm going to do. I didn't have much of a chance. Or, let me be more specific, not at all. I didn't complain. I liked mafia. Because hey! c'mon, okay. It was something totally different.Yeah, right, you can start telling me how bad it is, killing people and ruining others' lives. But please don't forget that people I kill are "bad", who kill you, civilians, and lives I ruin have lost too much to care. Some people can't be fixed. Deal with it.
A picture of Caroline flashed in my head. Her petite fragile body was dressed in an ivory dress with a skillfully adjusted wispy brown belt on it. On her neck there was a gold seashell necklace.
Sea. Caro. Memories. 
Caro was dressed simply but sapid. "Beauties" in boufannt dresses weren't even half as beautiful as she was. 
I gazed at her today wavy hear that fell on her back as a cascade. She looked good with wavy hear. She looked good with and in everything. She was perfect. But she wasn't mine anymore. Why? 'Cause I was an idiot.
*
They looked cute together. Yeah, that sounds girly. I noticed half of the girls shooting envious glances at Caro. Obviously. She had everything she needed and even more. I knew she had a bright future before her. Exactly as she had planned. 
Everything will happen in an exact way she wants it. She deserves it. She's a good person. Perfect.
I leaned on the metal railing and was finishing my champagne. I saw a car rolling in the courtyard. Although it was dark I saw the number plate and got an adrenalin rage inside me. 
Job. Finally.
Back door was opened and a man, who was sitting in there, waved at me. I thought how "cool" and nifty it would have been to throw my champagne glass into the pieces. 
Next time.
I left it on the table, tore the tie off and whirred inside.
Just then, just at that exact moment she had to stand in my way. I looked at her. Her eyes met mines. Jason was nowhere around.
Her eyes weren't showing any emotion. Not even hate. I knew of course, Caro didn't stay mad for long. Besides, she'd said that maybe some day she'd forgive me. Nonetheless, I knew that even if she did, I wouldn't be around anymore. Not here, a part of her life.
I sent her one last look and stormed outside witout saying anything. I knew, had I opened my mouth, I wouldn't have been able to stop anymore. It wouldn't lead anywhere, though, would be pointless. I could make a fool of myself and tell her everything, but I was waited for. So, as it wouldn't have changed anything anyway, I decided to leave it the way it was. So it was better for everyone.
I knew that as soon as I broke the eye contact, there appeared what I didn't want to show her. I wanted her to know, but I knew it would only make her eyes ask questions answers to which would hurt her.
I slipped in cold evening air and inhaled. Cold air also cooled down my thoughts. I was able to think sober again. I walked calmly to the car and climbed inside.
"They redirect you," Charlie said and took out a cigarette.
I hated its smell, but he didn't know and you aren't making any reproofs to your boss, even though you're just a step behind.
"Redirect?" I echoed. I gazed in front of me. We set off.
"Melbourne. There's a bigger gang. Excuse me," Charlie stopped for a second and blew out a puff of smoke. I tried to breathe in smaller amounts of air.
"I put it wrong way. They wanna close the one here. Cops got scent of it. We gotta quit. Some will stay, of course. The club has to stay, or else it would be weird. Majority is redirected, tho,"
"It means that..?"
"You're the boss of the bigger gang now, yes,"
"Whoa," I breathed out. Not that I wouldn't be able to manage. Of course would. I now had too many emotions that needed to be got rid of. Redirected elsewhere.
"Do you agree?" Charlie looked at me waiting, but I knew he knew I would.
"Of course," I confirmed his thoughts.
I looked out the window. The building was almost out of sight. But I knew she was there. Of course she was. Partying with her girl friends and love of her life. Did what she was worth and wanted.
I didn't see her anymore, but still felt her. She was in my heart and on mind, my body still remembered hers.
"Then welcome to the new life, Jake,"
I nodded.
New life. Life without Caroline.

You know, girl, you will be forever in my system. Whether you want it or not. I was a jerk for letting you go. I could have learned and make you stay.
But now .. by, my dear. Bye, Caro. Goodbye, my Love.
Hello, mafia, new love of my life.
***
Present time
I've been searching for that for a while. Passion, lust, satisfaction. No feelings, no emotions - just sex. Like I used to do before I met her. Nothing mattered.
I lost her because of my own stupidity and arrogance, and now I had to pay. There was no way back.
"Hey, pretty boy,"
I looked up at the blonde cake-faced girl in front of me. She couldn't have been more than 18, even with her make-up.
"Looking for something?" Her one hand was holding the pole while the other slowly moved along her body - starting from her breasts and moving lower.
She may have been gracious even had she not been a prostitute, a thought crept into my mind. I eyed her and felt lust in my lower part. Nothing else, nowhere else.
Without her make-up and clothes she could have been a beautiful young lady. But life knows no mercy. She was pushed to the limits and that's what she's chosen.
I did not come here to feel sorry and find depth in every slut. Not that depth anyway. My darker side had suddenly cropped up. I needed to find release.
I reached out and pulled her on my lap.
"Oh, yes, I'm looking for something," I whispered huskily in her ear. She jerked at my unexpected change of mood, but then let loose again.
She was used to it. She was used to everything.
I moved my hands along her sides, down her legs and up inner tights. She inhaled deeply as my fingers were at teasing distance from her intimate zone.
"Maybe we get a room?" She asked hoarsely, obviously turned on.
"No," I said firmly.
I looked over her bared shoulder at the barman and snapped my fingers.
"Clear the place," I mouthed.
The guy nodded and turned off the music. The hookers knew what it meant, so they grabbed their customers and disappeared into the rooms. The place was ready.
The girl smiled at me. In her eyes I could read her thought of being special as I ordered to get rid of everyone from the room so I could fuck her.
She wasn't. I just needed something different.
She approached in what was by her means "sexy walk" and put her hands around my neck, running them on my shoulders.
I grabbed her so tightly she squealed and pushed on the counter.
She sat there eagerly, spread her legs and leaned on her hands, waiting for me. I came closer, grabbing her firmly by waist and bit her neck hardly.
She stilled at the suddenness of moment but didn't scream from pain. As I said, she was used to it. I moved my hands towards her intimates and saw in her eyes her assurance that she is the one who will be pleased.
Wrong guy, bitch.

In a sudden moment I pulled her from the counter, pushing roughly against its side.

"We're doing it my way, baby," I whispered in her ear, holding her in place with one hand and unzipping my pants with other.

09.05.13

Varjud minevikust #1: Pilk minevikku

Jake, 5 aastat tagasi

Pagan. Kurat küll. Ausalt. Lihtsalt kuidas ma võisin.
Vaatasin, kuidas tema läheb direktori juurde, surub ta kätt, seejärel pöörab ümber, naeratab publikule - kuid ma olen suht kindel, et kindlasti mitte mulle - ja läheb oma kohale Jasoni kõrval.
Raisk. Lurjus. Kaabakas. Jätis. Seda sa oled, Evans. Mitte midagi head. Sa ei jõua kuskile sedasi, tead seda.

Jälgin tuimal pilgul inimesi, teades, et ma oleks pidanud tulemata jätma. Ent see oli siiski lõpetamine. See oli lõpp. Minu jaoks rohkem halvas mõttes kui heas. Kui teised kõik rõõmustavad, et lõpuks ometi saab keskkoolist ära, liikuda edaspidisesse ellu: kolida lõpuks ära sellest urkast, ülikool, pere, töö, karjäär... Ma teadsin täpselt, mida ma edaspidi teen. Erilist valikut nagu ei olnud. Täpsemalt polnud seda üldse. Ma ei kaevanud. Mulle sobis maffia. Sest hei! olge nüüd, eks. See oli midagi hoopis teistsugust. Jajah, hakake mulle loengut pidama selle kohta, kuidas ma tapan inimesi ja rikun teiste elusid. Kuid palun ärge unustage, et inimesed, keda ma tapan, on ainult "pahad", kes tapavad teid, tsiviilkodanikke, ja need, kelle elusid ma rikun, on kaotanud liiga palju, et enam midagi hoolida. Mõningaid inimesi ei saa parandada. Leppige sellega.

Mu peas sähvatas pilt Caroline'ist. Tema pisikest habrast keha ümbritses elevandiluukarva kleit, millele ta oli oskuslikult talje pealt paigutanud kitsa pruuni vöö. Tema kaela kaunistas kuldne merekarp.
Meri. Caro. Mälestused.

Caro oli riides lihtsalt, kuid maitsekalt. Puhvis kleitidega üleslöödud "iludused" ei saanud talle ilu poolest ligigi.
Vaatasin ta täna lokkidena seljale langevaid juukseid. Talle sobisid lokid. Talle sobis kõik. Ta oli perfektne. Kuid ta ei olnud enam minu. Miks? Sest ma olin idioot.

*

Nad olid armsad koos. Jah, see kõlab plikalikult. Ma nägin, kuidas osa tüdrukuid vaatas Carot kadedusega. Ilmselgelt. Tal oli kõik, mida ta vajas ja rohkemgi veel. Teadsin, et teda ootab ees helde tulevik. Täpselt selline, nagu ta kavatsenud on.
Kõik läheb täpselt nii, nagu ta soovib. Ta väärib seda. Ta on hea inimene. Perfektne.

Toetasin vastu metallpiiret ja lõpetasin šampust. Nägin, kuidas must auto veeres hoovi. Vaatamata pimedusele nägin numbrimärki ning mu sees hakkas möllama adrenaliin.
Töö. Lõpuks ometi.

Tagumine uks avati ja seal istuv mees viipas mulle. Mõtlesin, kui väga "äge" ja efektne oleks hetkel oma šampuseklaas vastu põrandat visata.
Järgmine kord.
Jätsin selle laua peale, rebisin lipsu kaelast ning tuhisesin saali.

Just siis, just paganama tol hetkel pidi ta mulle ette astuma. Ma vaatasin talle otsa. Tema vaatas mulle otsa. Jasonit polnud lähedal.
Ta silmad ei näidanud emotsiooni. Isegi viha mitte. Ma teadsin muidugi, et Caro ei pea pikka viha. Pealegi oli ta öelnud, et võib-olla kunagi annab ta mulle andeks. Ent samas ma teadsin, et kui annabki, pole mind enam siin. Pole seal, tema elus.

Saatsin talle veel viimase pilgu ja tuhisesin temast sõnagi ütlemata mööda. Teadsin, et kui avan suu, ei suuda enam peatuda. See aga ei viiks kuskile, oleks mõttetu. Ma võiksin end teha lolliks ja talle kõik ära rääkida, kuid mind oodati. Ning et see poleks midagi muutnud, otsustasin, et jätan selle nii, nagu ta oli. Nii oli kõigile parem.

Ma teadsin, et niipea kui olin silmakontakti katkestanud, ilmus sinna see, mida ma talle näidata ei tahtnud. Ma tahtsin, et ta teaks, kuid teadsin, et see oleks tekitanud ta silmadesse vaid küsimärgid, millele vastused oleks talle vaid haiget teinud.

Lipsasin lõpuks taas jahedasse õhtuõhku ja hingasin sisse. Külm õhk jahendas ka mu mõtteid. Ma suutsin taas kainelt mõelda. Kõndisin rahulikult autoni ning pugesin sisse.
"Sind suunatakse ümber," sõnas Charlie ja pani suitsu ette.
Ma vihkasin suitsulõhna, kuid ta ei teadnud seda ja sa ei hakka siiski oma bossile etteheiteid tegema, isegi kui oled vaid sammu temast tagapool.

"Ümber?" kordasin viimast sõna. Põrnitsesin enda ette. Asusime teele.
"Melbourne. Seal on suurem jõuk. Vabanda," Charlie peatus korraks ja puhus välja suitsupahvaku. Proovisin hingata õhku väiksemate kogustega.
"Ma väljendusin valesti. Nad kavatsevad sulgeda selle siin. Mendid said haisu ninna. Me peame lõpetama. Osa jään siia muidugi. Klubi peab alles jääma, muidu on kahtlane. Aga enamus sõidab ära,"

"See tähendab, et..?"
"Sa saad suurema jõugu enda alla nüüd, jah,"
"Whoa," suutsin vaid öelda. Mitte et ma nendega hakkama ei saaks. Muidugi ma võisin saada. Mul oli nüüd liiga palju emotsioone, millest lahti oli vaja saada. Suunata mujale.

"Oled nõus?" Charlie vaatas mulle ootavalt otsa, kuigi teadsin, et ta teab, et ma nõustun.
"Muidugi," kinnitasin ta mõtteid.
Vaatasin aknast välja. Hoonet ei olnud enam peaaegu üldse näha. Kuid ma teadsin, et ta on seal. Muidugi ta oli. Lõbutses oma sõbrannade ja eluarmastusega. Tegi seda, mida ta vääris ja tahtis.
Ma ei näinud teda enam, kuid ma endiselt tajusin teda Ta oli mu südames ja mõtetes, mu keha endiselt mäletas tema oma.

"Siis tere tulemast uude ellu, Jake,"
Noogutasin.
Uude ellu. Ellu ilma Caroline'ita.
Tead, tüdruk, sa jääd ikkagi igavesti mu süsteemi. Tahad sa seda või ei. Ma olin idioot, et lasin sul minna. Ma oleks võinud õppida ja panna sind jääma.

Kuid nüüd .. hüvasti, mu kallis. Hüvasti, Caro. Hüvasti, mu arm.
Tervist, maffia, mu uus eluarmastus.

***

Olevik


Olin seda otsinud pikemat aega. Kirg, iha, rahuldus. Ei mingeid tundeid, ei mingeid emotsioone - lihtsalt seks. Nagu ajal enne teda. Mitte miski ei omanud tähtsust.
Ma kaotasin ta omaenda rumaluse ja egoismi tõttu ning nüüd ma pidin maksma. Tagasiteed polnud.

"Hei, ilus poiss,"
Tõstsin pead ja vaatasin blondi kooginäoga tüdrukut enda ees. Ta ei saanud olla vanem kui 18, isegi meigiga.
"Otsid midagi?" Tema üks käsi oli posti ümber, samal ajal kui teine liikus mööda tema keha - alustades ta rindadest ja liikudes allapoole.

Ta oleks võinud isegi graatsiline olla, polnuks ta prostituut, käis mõte läbi mu pea. Ma vaatasin ta pealaest jalatallani üle ja tundsin iha oma alumises osas. Ei muud, ei mujal
Ilma meigi ja riieteta oleks ta olnud noor kena neiu. Kuid elu ei tea halastust. Ta oli viidud äärmusteni ning see oli eluviis, mille ta valis.

Ma ei tulnud siia selleks, et haletseda ja leida sügavust igas prostituudis. Vähemalt mitte seda sügavust. Mu tumedam pool tõusis äkitselt esile. Ma tundsin vajadust end välja elada.
Sirutasin käed välja ja tõmbasin tüdruku endale sülle.

"Oojaa, ma otsin midagi," sosistasin talle kähedalt kõrva. Ta võpatas mu äkilise tujumuutuse peale, kuid lasi siis taas vabaks.
Ta oli sellega harjunud. Ta oli kõigega harjunud.

Liigutasin käsi mööda ta külgi, jalgu ja reite sisekülgi. Ta hingas sügavalt sisse, kui mu sõrmed olid kiuslikul kaugusel ta intiimtsoonist.
"Äkki hangime toa?" küsis ta kähiseva häälega, olles ilmselgelt erutunud.
"Ei," ütlesin kindlalt.

Vaatasin üle ta palja õla baarmenile otsa ja nipsutasin sõrmi.
"Vabasta ruum," ütlesin vaid huultega.
Noormees noogutas ja lülitas muusika välja. Teenindajad teadsid, mida see tähendas, nii et haarasid oma kliendid ja kadusid ruumidesse. Ruum oli valmis.

Tüdruk naeratas mulle. Tema silmad peegeldasid mõtet, et ta oli nii eriline, kuna ma käskisin kõigist vabaneda lihtsalt selleks, et teda siinsamas panna.
Ta ei olnud. Ma lihtsalt vajasin midagi teistsugust.

Ta lähenes mulle enda arvates "seksika kõnnakuga" ja pani oma käed mu kaela ümber, lastes neil rännata mu õlgadele.
Haarasin talt nii tugevalt ümbert kinni, et ta kiunatas, ja surusin vastu baariletti.
Ta oli aldis sinna peale istuma, ajas oma jalad laiali ning toetas käed mind oodates letile. Ma tulin lähemale, haarates talt kõvasti ümber piha ja hammustades valusasti kaelast.

Ta keha muutus äkisuse peale jäigaks, kuid ta ei karjunud valust. Nagu ma mainisingi, oli ta sellega harjunud. Mu käed liikusid ta alumise osa poole ning ma nägin tema silmist, et ta oli kindel, et tema saab rahuldatud.
Vale mees, mõrd.

Äkitselt olin ta tirinud letilt maha ja surunud karmilt vastu selle seina.
"Me teeme seda minu moodi, tibu," sosistasin ta kõrva, hoides teda ühe käega paigal ja avades teisega püksilukku.

02.05.13

SL #53: By the Lake

After eating we played some volleyball as it wasn't yet growing dark. But while twilight crept by, we divided into groups: some were still drinking on the porch, some sitting on the beach chairs, some doing something inside and the group I and Jason were in was sitting by the fire.

It was nice to have a free atmosphere, without all school and other problems, and just enjoy life.
Crackling of the fire and its warmth always calmed me down and to my big surprise, Jason sat just on the same bench as I.
In Apollo Bays he was .. different. I didn't know what has happened, but the way our relationship has changed .. how we has become so close.

By the fire, there was a group of about 10 people. As there was a mix of alcohol, lateness and everyone has loosened up, we decided to tell each other our opinions on them. It wasn't too personal, so it was good to hear that people mostly like you.

I stretched out my hand towards the fire and adjusted some logs. My hands were just in the fire, but strangely I didn't feel its heat.
However, I was surprised at Jason's care and words.
"Won't you get burned?" Jason's voice tickled my neck, reminding of how close he really were.

Heat of fire is nothing compared to this, right?
I looked over my shoulder and smiled. "I don't feel it really,"
I straightened up my spine and realized suddenly that we were sitting so side by side that even our hips were touching.

Wow. Now that's very .. interesting. Thank you.
And at one moment we somehow just broke away from the company. We remained there physically, but had started a two people conversation and no one tried to invade, so we had our very own private bubble.

"Fire starts burning down," I heard Josh's voice from distance after some time.
And as I haven't built a fire nor brought the wood for a long time, I had an urge to do that.
I stood up and announced that I'd bring the wood soon.

Being a romantic, I was kinda hoping he'd follow me in the shed. It would have been .. interesting. Nonetheless, he was being way too Jason and therefor didn't do it.
I took an armful of the wood and walked out.

Fire company had become quieter - there was only about five people left. I was just sitting down when I figured it was too hot there for me. Yeah, Jason was still there and I would have been very happy to spend more time with him, but I had to keep some distance, didn't I? After all, we weren't together or anything.

I had done some exploring before by Alasia's house and knew that her house is located by wonderful lake. Not only was her house just a kilometer from the sea, but she also had a lake just by her house .. it was truly a paradise. For sure, 'twas cosy to sit on the built pier during any other time of the day, too, but at night it was especially magical. The sun had already set and the view was gorgeous. I loosened myself up even more, concentrated on my breathing and...

"May I join?" someone I too soon made out tho asked.
And how was it even possible that I did not? "Yes, of course," How cute.
"Why are you alone here?" he asked and took a seat by me.
Inadvertently, I noticed how close he was. There were just some centimeters between us. Principles, my beloved one? a thought appeared in my mind, but then I remembered how much has changed. "You know I like being alone,"

And at that moment I realized how much we have actually changed during all that time - these 2,5 years. Though, in reality it felt like lots of more years has passed by.
And how much everything has changed!
It all started with a mere affection and .. oh, right, I totally forgot again that he's not really mine.

Anyway, yeah. Thinking back now -  how vain and pointless our conversations were in the beginning. I was so shy... When did it change?
"Loneliness of the mind is like a diet for the body - sometimes it is necessary, but should not last for too long because of being perilous,"
I opened my mouth to answer him, but then recalled a memory - I had used the sentence in MSN. A bit more and I would have started opening and closing my mouth like a fish.

"I see you're surprised,"
"Em .. yup. It was in my MSN a year ago! How did you .. Oh god, silly me. You surely didn't take it from there .. I..." Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"The truth is .. it is from there,"
Wh-aat? "You're only making me more confused,"

"Sorry. Personal messages, you know,"
"Um .. yes, right. Why'd you remember that one?"
"I remember such things as they're about me. Don't think that you, girls, are the only ones that notice and remember everything. And well .. it seemed like your PM's were about me really often,"
"You read them?" Wow. One big WOW.

"Sorta all the time. They're .. interesting..," He looked at me and as I was still gaping at him with surprise, he continued: "Okay, now that's awkward."
"Eh .. I think I'm the one here who should be awkward because it's true. That they're about you, I mean. But..."

"But what?"
"So you really did notice. And you care even?"
"Why is it so hard to believe in?"
"Just that you .. don't show your care that much. No reaction at all and such,"

"Me not reacting doesn't mean me not caring,"
"So you do care," I muttered more to myself than him. I smiled surreptitiously. "But why don't you react then?"
"It's not always necessary,"
"That's what you think," the words flitted out of my mouth before I even understood that I was saying my thought out loud. Oops.

"Oh, Caro, let's not start with that again," Jason really gave me a pleading look.
How much I adore his eyes... "Okay, sorry, me again with my .. thinking. Overthinking, I wanted to say. Okay, so let's talk about .. why'd you come here?"

"If it gets on your nuts, I can leave," He pretended to stand up.
"No!" I cried out and it echoed 'cause by the lake it was much more silent that at Alasia's. Again, before I thought I grabbed his hand, so he'd sit by my side again. "Stay with me," I murmured.

"Don't worry, I wasn't planning on leaving you,"
I quickly took my hand back, when he sat down, not because it felt like I had grabbed an open electric wire, but more because I didn't want it to be reluctant for him. Of course, he had gone further, of course, but...
Don't get on your "loved one" nerves.
"So why I'm here," he said it just when I was about to ask.

If you're Edward Cullen, then I don't like it. But if that time you really did remember that I asked you about that, you're earning bonus points.
"All these babbling people were driving me to nuts, let's say. Even Jack is drunk. After you left, it got out of hands really. You seem to be the only one that..."
I raised my can of cider, proving I have drunk though. "But don't you think I am drunk. It's not that easy for me. Not that I'd like to be drunk.

"Why are you doing that then?"
That question again. "The taste is good..." So, you asked it again, so I try again. "Wanna try?"
The thought of his lips touching the same can I drank from before and would drink after made me tingle. I wondered whether it would overcome the feeling of his lips touching my cheek...

* It wasn't Micha's idea that after Jason made a copy of her paper, I have to get it because he has touched it, or almost the same idea of Chantal when we were befooling in Esperanto and the guys needed a marker.
"Now it has his scent on it," had Chantal said after I got it back. *

No, that time it was more .. intimate. I don't care it sounds weird. Oh right, way too much.
"Okay, you may give me," Jason answered for my big surprise.
I handed him the can, of which he took a big (!) sip.
"Nah, that's okay," he said after having guggling it down his throat.

"What else have you tried?" I asked after he had given me back the can, and tried to, once again, ignore the vibrations his fingers caused while touching mine. I won't even start wondering whether it was occasional or not. No one knows anyway.
"I've tried vodka at home, but it's pretty gross,"

"Yeah, right. And gets you drunk too easily."
"Have you ever been drunk?" he wondered.
"Nope," I shook my head. "Don't see the point. You get drunk, rage around and wake up with a memory loss. Thank you very much, have seen that kind of classmates enough."
"Same,"
"Yes. Wait a sec..." My mind threw a memory before my eyes and his words .. they were too antithetical to what he had done. "You've never been drunk?"

"No, of course not. Caro, you know my principles about alcohol,"
"Do you remember second party at Josh's?"
He furrowed his brows at the bridge of his nose, recalling the moment. "What about that?"
I exhaled loudly. "You said you've never been drunk, but .. you .. we .. slept in one bed,"

I kept looking at him all the time but after the words had slipped out of my mouth, I quickly turned my gaze at the lake. I also took a big gulp from my cider, so I wouldn't have to say anything in a moment.
He sighed. "Caroline, I don't want you to start that topic again... I asked you not to,"
"I know, Jason, I just..."

And the moment was so perfect .. that sunset, that lake, he by my side ..his lips so close...
I knew he wouldn't do that. And if to reconsider it, I more preferred what he actually did.
Explanation, yay, yay, yay.
"I hoped you have forgotten or anything .. but I mistake that all the time. You never forget anything,"
He smiled at me cutely and that made me smile in response.

"I .. back then I .. I wasn't drunk, true. I just .. when we spent the night just talking .. and then you fall asleep around 4 in the morning .. I wanted .. ah, dunno, it's hard to explain. First, I didn't want you to sleep on the sofa. So I picked you up and took to the bed .. and I was ready to leave, really .. But then my eyes fell on your totally calm, angelic body-" Did he just call me angelic?! Whoa. "I've never felt like that .. I felt an urge to protect you. I didn't want to leave you alone there, even if there wasn't any danger really .. mm," He looked at me intimately. "Does it sound too freaky?"

I was listening to him with such an amusement I couldn't even react in time.
"No, not at all," My words came out in whisper. "Continue,"
He smirked, turned his face towards the lake and fulfilled my wish: "And when I laid down in bed next to you, you turned automatically over and put your hands around me .. and I, well, didn't want to disturb your sleep and finally fell asleep too,"

(photos: first two pictures)