22.05.14

MNLS/SL #56: Come and Get It

"Gee, don't splash at me!"
I stopped immediately and gave the guy a look. "Maybe you gonna run and tell mommy?"
He glared at me.

I narrowed my eyes and readied myself for a new wave. Because since when abide by the rules? "It's just water, J,"
"I've got lenses," He stated seriously.
Whatevs. "Okay," I raised my hands in surrender. "Be like that then. Fine," I crossed hands on my chest and gave him my best glare.

"Really, Caro?"
I turned at Ian with surprise, raising my brows.
"You're gonna?" He smirked with challenge.
Ogh, how I loved Ian. He was so cute and so caring! And for sure he was a feeling person. I mean, in his case you didn't have to doubt as about some people here...

Water filled my mouth so a scream didn't follow as I was dragged in the depth of the lake.
"You fucking bastard!" I screeched as I emerged. I whipped my hair back. Can imagine it didn't exactly look like in the advertisements.

"And you!" I flicked my finger at Ian, who was still laughing with Jason.
Still, I couldn't hold back laugh nor a smile - guys will be forever guys and I'll still forever choose them over girls. I've counted more than enough reasons.

"You know what, people, I'm gonna drown you right here, right now with all your lenses and stuff," I said dead serious and submerged.
I had a genius plan going on in my head but I feared whether I was crossing the line or not.
YOLO, I thought then. We live only once. Let my life be once an American teenage movie then.

"You didn't,"
Two boys looked at with dead serious, but not totally angry glares.
Not totally angry.. But c'mon, it was fair enough. I mean, prank vs prank. Fair deal.
"You just didn't do it,"
"What did you do?" Analeigh butted in.

I've noticed a couple of minute ago already that girl keeps a track on me, Jason and Ian.
Sure, honey. Took your toys away. So sad.
Jason and Ian exchanged a certain look. Their completely shocked expressions were filled with guile.
Ugh-oh, that's gonna end bad. But oh, it was so worth it.

You wanna know what I did? Wanna really know, what I did? Oh, oh, you're so gonna laugh. I'm not sure whether you have made any bets by now.
Anyways, less words, more action. So what I did. I tore down their swimming pants. Under the water. Lol?
It's pretty nice you can't see clearly down there.. Or, well, I dunno. Wait, what, did I just turn into Michelle? Gosh. Pervert Caro. How fantastic.

"We're doing that,"
"We're so doing that," I heard guys saying and looked at them with slight fear.
What are they about to do? Oh no, no, no, no, not that. Please?

The problem was, I wasn't the best swimmer. I mean, I could keep afloat for a while, but if you asked me to swim longer distance, I'd fail. I just didn't have enough physical strength. I wanted, of course, to be physically strong, but I didn't have enough willpower to make me - Am lazy, I know right.

Anyways. All that thinking made me forget my surroundings. And gave a chance to guys to remove my bra, thank you very much.
"Fuck you," I gnarled under my nose as they happily swam away with my top cover.
I squinted my eyes at them. "At least I let them hang on your legs,"

"Take over from here, J," Ian said and put bikini top on Jason's shoulder.
Holy shit, you kidding? Now this became serious.
"Give them to me," I said, secretly gladdened we weren't in, like, a transparent lake.
"Now this is awkward," He told me and tilted his head.

At that very moment I didn't really feel that it was what-the-hell situation. It didn't feel like I'd spent year and a half waiting for him while he kept sending mixed signals. It was .. the other life. It felt as Apollo Bay wasn't just some other town. It felt like it was some parallel universe where miracles were possible.


***

When we came back to the shore after a long swim, wet and tired, everyone were surprised we hadn't actually drowned or something. Others would of course, too, go for a swim, but only we spend two hours in the other state. Just the two of us, I mean. Even Ian had got out before us.
Oh yes .. I can already imagine all the juicy details we've given them to gossip about. At least no one knows what actually happened there.
Analeigh? She disappeared somewhere after realizing no one pays her any attention really.

Lying down on the blanket I saw Annetté and Sofia sending us a glance and then exchanging another one between each other.
I remembered how girls had just had a really bad fight just when I came to their class and would not talk till the end of 9th grade. One time, however, there was some really juicy piece of gossip going around, so they were besties again.
Gossip does some magic, doesn't it?

"We were just about to go to eat," Ian informed and smiled at us guilefully.
Oh, Ian..
"How cute," Jason almost cooed. "Did you wait for .. us specifically?"
I can't explain how his voice emphasized "us" exactly. It wasn't bad or anything, it was .. hmm, he, like, tasted the word on his tongue or something? Like how it would sound.
For me, "we" always sounded mysteriously.

"You have to visit Steffani," Alasia said and winked at me.
"Steffani is here?" Jason seemed to be all ears now.
Meh? "Steffani?" I asked curiously. Should I be jealous that Jason knows? LOL, Caro, stop. I shook this stupidity out of my head. Sometimes I can be so silly.

"It's a pizza restaurant. They have, like," Jason made this bellissimo finger movement. "Best pizzas in the world," He finished with muah on his lips.
Wait what. "Um .. okay?"

It seemed that I had shocked Jason with my coldness towards the pizza. He looked at me with squinted eyes. "How dare you, Caro? It's, like, pizza," He made an accent on the word, like it was something magical.
Now please don't get me wrong. It wasn't like I didn't like pizzas, okay. Pizzas were good. But as much as the other foods (I liked)
Oh gosh, now that was so logical.

Anyway, yeah, I didn't really share opinion of tumblrarians and Jason that pizza was life. And no, you can't marry a pizza. Sorry.

SL #57: sa pead otsustama

Palun ärge vaadake mind. Palun? Oh jumal, miks ma pidin midagi ütlema?!
Pitsatükk oli endiselt poolel teel mu suhu ning ma arvan, et see muutus juba suhteliselt kärsituks. Silmitsesin närviliselt mind vahtivat kaaskonda.
Olime lahkunud umbes 12-liikmelise seltskonnaga, nii et pidime jagunema kaheks laudkonnaks. Minu omas oli Jason - suuuuuuur üllatus -, Ian, Maria, Hayley ja Gus. Ja nad kõik jõllitasid mind nii suure huviga, nagu mingit tundmatut looma. 

Holy crap noh. Köhatasin mitmetähenduslikult. Ma ei tea, kas te olete kunagi proovinud süüa nii, et teid jõllitab terve laudkond. Ma ei julgenud vaadata taha, sest kartsin, ega ometi ka teised meie grupist mind jõllita.
Sest, nagu, mu elu ei ole piisav seebikas.
Samas, järeldades naerust, sain aru, et need inimesed vähemalt naudivad end.
Wow, indeed. Vähemalt keegi tegeleb oma eluga.

Lõpuks nad siiski asusid ka oma pitsade kallale. Need polnud vist enam piisavalt kuumad, mis söömise alati meeldivamaks teeb, ning ma tundsin sellest mingit kahtlast rõõmu. Justkui oleks olnud see karistus, et nad nii hukkamõistvalt mind piidlesid.
Ei, no päriselt ka. Mida inimesed nii väga nüüd pitsas leiavad?


Samas, ega see nüüd nii hull ka polnud. Pitsa, ma mõtlen.
Kindlasti ei tekkinud mul sellest mingit joovastust, aga siiski.
Nagu alati, lõpuni ma seda süüa ei jõudnud ning see läks jagamisele.
Sest mehed, ilmselgelt, söövad väga palju.

Pärast üpriski mõnusat lõunasööki asusime lõpuks ometi tagasi. Teekond ei olnud nüüd ka niivõrd lühike, kuid kui sul on ülimalt meeldiv seltskond ja sa tegeled kogu aja endale kõhulihaste tekitamisega, siis see läheb väga kiiresti.

Tänase päeva mõte oli juba rohkem pidutseda. Järgneval õhtul pidime sellest pisikesest paradiisist lahkuda ja see oli ju vaja korralikult ära tähistada.
Mitte et ma seda päriselt teha kavatsesin. Ma ei pidanud jooma, et segaseks muutuda. Ma olin niigi täiskohaga segane.

*

Kortsutasin kulmu selle telgi suunas, millest juba pikemat aega jutt käis.
Colleen ja Jake ühes telgis. Joshi telgis, kui lubate mainida. Ta oli, kergelt öeldes, ärritunud. Ütles, et ei julge pärast nende väljatulekut siseneda.
Nojah, vaikne võis ju seal olla, aga kunagi ei tea.

Ma isegi ei ole kindel, miks ma nii tundsin. Ma mõtlen, et c'mon, ma olin lõpuks ometi Jasoniga. Sellest suhtes, et lõpuks ometi sain ma temaga aega veeta ja tundus, et ka tema nautis seda. Võib-olla mitte just nii palju, kui mina, kuid siiski. Kes üldse naudiks minusuguse segasega ajaveetmist?
Tean juba, et mu sõbrannad lihtsalt peksaks mind seepeale veidi aega. Kuid siiski. Mõelge selle üle järele. Arvestades meie klassi ja üldse ülejäänusid inimesi polnud ma kohe kindlasti kõige meeldivam kaaslane.
Oeh.

Igatahes rääkides telgist.
Colleen, kes muidu oli korralik ja vaikne tütarlaps, oli oma kind-of parimast sõbrannast Juliast eemale saanud ja äkki tuli välja, et ta polnudki nii korralik ja vaikne. Ta oli end mõnusalt täis kaaninud ja hakkas ennast nüüd Jake'ile külge ajama.
Okei, olgem ausad, kes ei ajaks end Jake'ile külge? Sa isegi ei pidanud täis olema selleks.
Jake oli tükike koorekihist. Ja ma ütleks, et kuumim tükike. Kindlasti tõstab oluliselt tema väärtus see, et ta polnud nii idioot, kui enamus sinna kuuluvaid. "Nii idioot" tähendab seda, et ta oleks võinud oma talentidele ka palju parema kasutamise leida. Aga eks igaühel omad eelistused.

Ma kujutan ette, et ma polnud kindlasti ainuke, kes armukade oli. Juba teiste tüdrukute pilkudest oli näha, et nad ei ole just väga olukorra poolt.
Ja siis kadus see "paarikene" - öelge seda nii sisisevalt kui võimalik - Joshi telki.
Ma usun, et võib väita, et tol hetkel oli ainult Josh vihasem, kui enamus kohalolnud tüdrukutest.

"Ma arvasin, et sa ei ole mitmemehepidaja," kostis häält mu kõrvalt.
Pöörasin pea lõbustatud Alasia poole. "Ja mina arvasin, et Michelle'i-taolistele kommentaaride peale ei saa mitte solvuda,"
"Well, tundub, et me mõlemad eksisime,"

"Ah," Hingasin sügavamalt sisse. "Ma ei tea, miks ma nii tunnen. See on nagu .. jaa, sul on täiega õigus, eks. Ma olen siin Jasoniga ja näib, et me naudime teineteise seltsi .. aga ma vist olen juba hakanud Jake'i crushima..,"
"Ma ei ütleks, et oled hakanud. Sa oled temast juba sees,"
"Ma tean," sõnasin läbi hammaste. "Aga me ei räägi sellest,"

"Ilmselgelt me peame sellest rääkima," sõnas Alasia teadlikult. "Sest, kas tead, kui sa oled korraga armunud kahte poissi .. siis see ei lõppe hästi,"
"Aga ma ei ole," väitsin ma põikpäiselt. Ma tegelikult ka ei olnud. Võib ka olla see, et ma lihtsalt tahtsin seda uskuda. Ma ei teadnud.
"Keda sa rohkem tahad?"

Jasonit, oli automaatne reaktsioon. Kuid miks ma siis endiselt mõtlesin ka Jake'ist?
"Alasia," ütlesin ma täiesti tõsiselt ja tüdruk elavnes. Ta juba ootas tõsist jutuajamist. "Ma arvan, et meil on vaja kõigil tähelepanu kõrvale ajada. Too kõlarid välja,"

*

Hiljem tol õhtul, või pigem juba ööl, sirutasin ma taas järve äärest jalad välja ja mõtlesin järele.
Tantsimine tõepoolest tegi kõik paremaks. Muidugi teeb. Sa tõmbled muusika rütmis nagu oskad ja kedagi ei huvita, sest tänapäeval ei oska enam keegi õigupoolest tantsida. Ja isegi kui keegi ongi käinud ballitantsus, siis see enam nii populaarne pole. Ja tegelikult vahepeal ongi hea ennast täiesti vabaks lasta.

Tantsimine oli mu alkohol, mu narkots. Ma ei vajanud neid. Ma elasin end teistmoodi välja. Kirjutamise, blogimise, tantsimisega.
Mu pisike kamp parimaid sõbrannasid oli mulle palju tähtsam kui suur seltskond tähtsusetuid tegelasi. Ma üldse ei saanud aru inimestest, kellel pidi olema hiiglaslik haarem, ja nendega siis sai kõigiga läbi käidud-magatud ning loomulikult draamatsetud.
Palju tähtsam mu arust oli omada tõelisi südamelähedasi sõpru, keda võisid usaldada.

Tume järvevesi oli vägagi rahustav.
Ka see oli minu mõnuaine.
Loodus. Müstika. Paralleelmaailmad.
Ma teadsin, et oli liiga väljaspool meie pärismaailma. Kuid see oli see, mis mulle sobis. Ma ei tahtnud, et keegi muudaks mu arvamust. Ma teadsin, et nad kõik pidasid mind veidrikuks ja tobedaks. Kuid ma ei hoolinud. Niikaua, kuni ma võisin seda endale hoida ja keegi seda ära ei võtnud, oli kõik hästi.

Lehtede sahin mu selja taga äratas mind mu mõtetest.
Vaatasin järsult selja taha.
Pimedus neelas enamuse, kuid ma nägin kuju.
Ma oleksin ju võinud karta, kuid miks?
Kui see oleks keegi, kes tahtis mind tappa, siis poleks karjumine ja hirm aidanud. Tol hetkel polnud ma veel nugade kuninganna.
Ja kui see oli sõber, olnuks karjumine ja hirm olnud tobe.

"Mulle meeldib see, kuidas sulle meeldib end alati öösiti ära peita. Ma ei saa aru, kas sina ise tahad kedagi ära tappa või sa lihtsalt ootad, kuni keegi sul kõri läbi lõikab,"
Kallutasin pead. Ma poleks kunagi arvanud, et see tõepoolest juhtub.