17.07.13

SL #55: Totally .. usual

Alasia wasn't able to  hold back a giggle when I returned to the kitchen with Jason. I saw Cassie winking at the girl and shook my head, smirking.
It's like .. there's nothing, but they take it as everything.
The thought amused me and made me wonder.

There's nothing. But is there still nothing? We kinda .. we .. we've spent time together and sorta went on a .. um, date? And that dance and how he has said several times that I have a chance .. Oh. Now, what was happening? What were we?

I had no courage to ask. Furthermore, how would that even sound? "Um, what are we exactly?" I remembered all too well how it had ended the last time. Of course, I wanted to know so much and I was already hoping for the best. But still, I didn't dare to overthink. I didn't want to get hurt again.

"You know," Jason coughed to get my attention.
I looked at him awaiting and, for my surprise, realized we were alone in the kitchen. Are you serious, girls? You are doing that on purpose, right... What's gonna be next?  Are you gonna book us a hotel room? Wait what. Caro .. Caroline Forbz, you better stop that. For God's sake. "Yes?" I asked enthusiastically, trying not to sound at all like an owner of crazy thoughts. Nice try, Forbz. Nice try.

"I just remembered that I hate coffee," he said completely seriously and examined me.
I didn't understand whether he was joking or not, but, for sure, had pressed on the laught button. Laugh escaped from me and I just kept laughing for like five minutes in a row.
"Wow," he uttered after I stopped laughing, some rare snorts escaping.

I managed to pull a serious face. "Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me,"
Instead of his serious face he had a heavenly smile brightening up his face. "Naaah, it's okay. We are all weird, just differently. However, what I wanted to say was that, I guess, for the first time in my life, I see such a reaction at hating someone or, in our situation, something. Usually, it's contrary different."

"Khm. Yeah," I coughed to finally calm myself down. Sometimes there must be order, right"We have tea, too," Actually Alasia does. But that doesn't matter really.
"Tea sounds good,"
"We are weird people. It's so hot outside. And we still drink tea,"
"Actually, it's a proven fact that drinking hot drinks on hot days cools you down,"

I nodded, keeping one eye on the kettle. "I've heard about that, too. You know how it works?"
"Erm .. kinda. We have receptors on our tongues, right. These are special molecules that receive signals. We have a particular receptor - I don't really remember its name - that responds to heat. If the brain gets the signal: "It's hot in here,", it turns on the cooling mechanism aka sweating. Which, as we know, cools us down."

I tilted my head thoughtfully. "How do you know all of that?"
"Oh, I'm just thinking about studying medicine after school. It's our twelfth grade topic, by the way,"
"Ah," I was only able to say. Fantastic. Now I feel a bit .. stupid.
"Funny fact. Chili peppers cause the same effect,"

"Tea is ready," I said monotonically like a robot. I was somehow in shock. Slightly, when you understand that what you do is so pointless comparing to what others at their free time.

Because what did I really do at my free time? Hmm. Tumblr. Firstly. I also loved writing. Only that it depended on whether I had thoughts, inspiration and motivation. I totally loved writing. But problem with it is that there are times when you get blocked and just can't keep up with it. It causes your readers to keep begging for new chapters while you can't really do anything. Depressive, ya know.

At times I enjoyed going out with girl friends. Michelle was the one to find new interesting places to eat and drink, which we welcomed eagerly. That was nice. I also went on walks in the woods and by the sea.
But really, me doing something like Jason - no, why? Crazy. I couldn't even imagine opening Google and searching for such information. It seemed .. mindfucking.

Besides, if I really wanted to know interesting information, I had Tumblr. Because, for reals, even though lots of people thinks it's a massive nonsense and just a picture blog - a bunch of idiots -, then the truth was there is massively such information you wouldn't really find anywhere else. And usually it was truthful.
So I dunno. Maybe I was a bit smart.
Oh, wait, no. I put it that way: it's not important to be smart but wise. There's a difference.

*

A day on the beach. Mm. What can be better. Oh really .. indeed. What can be better than a day on the beach with majority of your class - which also means your crushes are there - and it's so wonderful, fantastic, ideal, perfect .. Mmhm.
Chilling on the beach is really wonderful. The sun didn't burn but warm nicely, tanning all of us.

I was laying between Analeigh and Cassie, Jason and Jake were in different directions, but in nice distance from me.
My eyes were closed and I was listening to the guys discussing each others' sixpacks.
Oh, guys...

"Why, I have a sixpack, too," Hearing Jake's voice made me tremble. Of course you do, sweetheart. "Sometimes even an eightpack," Even better. "Only that it's inside,"
What the hell? Seriously? I pushed down a wish to abruptly sit up, turn around and stare at his eightpack. C'mon, Jake had a perfect body, why would he even say such things about himself?

Guys laughed. I understood they were just playing fools.
Obviously. They are all in good shape. I smiled. Right. They are. I wanted to lick my lips, but a shadow above me stopped my thoughts and made me open my eyes.
Analeigh was hovering above me.

"Hmm?" I raised my brow awaiting and looked at her.
There was an ear-to-ear smile on Analeigh's face, which was kinda her trait - I mean, it was always there. Oh, no, wait a sec. It was there when we didn't have an assignment in our mother tongue classes, like write something because then she'd completely lose herself and could easily start crying. It wasn't a surprise anymore when she stood up in the middle of writing and walked out for a long time - if not till the end of the assignment. That was totally usual now. Else, Analeigh was famous for her laugh and smiling.

"Guys went swimming, wanna too?"
I sat up slowly and looked around dizzily. Some people had disappeared, some, on the other hand, seemed to be taking a nap - had I by myself really fallen asleep? Fine then. Jason's spot was empty and as I turned my gaze at the ocean, I could make him out by his black swimming pants.
Yeah, that's him.

I saw Ian and six more guys there. Was fine with me.
I took off my sunglasses, stood up and stretched. Then I smiled at Analeigh, who was still crouching by my towel.
"Let's go," I said with enthusiasm and sprinted towards the water.

05.07.13

SL #55: Täiesti .. tavaline

Alasia ei suutnud itsitust tagasi hoida, kui ma kööki tagasi juba koos Jasoniga tulin. Nägin, kuidas Cassie tüdrukule silma tegi ja raputasin muiates pead.
See on nagu .. midagi pole, kuid ikka nad võtavad seda kui kõike.
Mõte hämmastas mind ja pani järele mõtlema.

Midagi pole. Kuid kas tõesti endiselt midagi pole? Me ju nagu .. me .. me oleme nii palju aega koos veetnud ja me põhimõtteliselt käisime justkui kohtingul ja see tants ja see, et ta on öelnud mitu korda, et mul on võimalus... Oeh. Mis õigupoolest toimuski? Mis me olime?

Mul ei jätkunud julgust küsida. Ja kuidas see oleks kõlanudki? "Um, mis me olemegi?" Mäletasin liigagi hästi, kuidas see eelmine kord lõppes. Muidugi, ma tahtsin täiega teada ja ma juba lootsin parimat. Ent ikkagi, ma ei riskinud üle mõelda. Ma ei tahtnud jälle haiget saada.

"Tead," Jason köhatas tähelepanu saamiseks.
Vaatasin talle ootavalt otsa ja avastasin üllatusega, et olime köögis üksi. Tegelt ka või, tüdrukud? Te kohe meelega teete seda, eks.. Mis järgmisena tuleb? Broneerite meile hotellitoa? Oota, mida. Caro .. Caroline Forbz, lõpeta kohe heaga ära. Jumala eest. "Jah?" küsisin reipalt, proovides kõlada üldsegi mitte segaste mõtete omanikuna. Hea üritus, Forbz. Hea üritus

"Mulle tuli just meelde, et ma vihkan kohvi," sõnas ta täiesti tõsiselt ja uuris mind.
Ma ei saanud aru, kas ta tegi nalja või mitte, kuid naljanupule vajutas ta küll. Naer pääses minust välja ja ma lihtsalt naersin viis minutit jutti.
"Wow," sõnas ta siis, kui ma olin naermise lõpetanud, suust välja pääsemas vaid üksikud turtsatused.

Tegin tõsise näo pähe. "Vabandust. Ma ei tea, mis mul viga on,"
Tema tõsise näo asemel valitses taevalik naeratus. "Eeeeei, pole midagi. Eks me kõik ole oma tasemel imelikud. Aga seda tahtsin ma öelda, et ma näen vist esimest korda elus sellist reaktsiooni kellegi, või antud juhul millegi, vihkamisele. Tavaliselt on see risti vastupidine."

"Khm. Jajah," Köhatasin, et end lõpuks ikka maha rahustada. Kord peab majja ka üks kord saabuma, eks ole. "Meil on teed ka," Tähendab Alasial on. Aga vahet ei ole.
"Tee kõlab hästi,"
"Me oleme imelikud inimesed. Nii palav on. Ja me joome endiselt teed,"
"Tegelikult on isegi ära tõestatud, et kuumade jookide joomine kuumadel päevadel aitab sul maha jahtuda,"

Noogutasin pead, hoides ühte silma teekannul. "Ma olen ka sellest kuulnud. Tead sa ka, kuidas see toimub?"
"Eem .. põhimõtteliselt. Keelel on retseptorid, eks ole. Spetsiaalsed molekulid, mis võtavad vastu signaale. Meie keelel on spetsiaalne retseptor - ma täpselt ei mäleta selle nime -, mis reageerib kuumusele. Kui aju saab signaali: "Siin on kuum,", pannakse tööle mehhanism keha jahutamiseks aka higistamine. Mis teadupoolest jahutab meid maha,"

Kallutasin mõtiskledes pead. "Kust sa seda kõike tead?"
"Oh, ma lihtsalt mõtlesin minna meditsiini õppima peale kooli. Muidu ülejärgmise aasta teema,"
"Ah," suutsin ma vaid öelda. Fantastiline. Nüüd tunnen end ma küll veidi .. lollina.
"Huvitav fakt. Tšillipipar on sama efektiga,"

"Tee sai valmis," ütlesin monotoonselt justkui robot. Ma olin mingit sorti šokiseisundis. Sellises kerges, kus sa saad aru, et see, mida sa teed, on nii tühine võrreldes sellega, mida teised oma vaba ajaga peale hakkavad.

Sest mida ma õigupoolest oma vabal ajal tegin? Hmm. Tumblr. Seda esiteks. Mulle meeldis ka väga kirjutada. Ainult et see sõltus sellest, kas mul oli mõtteid, inspiratsiooni ja motivatsiooni. Mulle täiega meeldis kirjutada. Aga probleem kirjutamisega on see, et mingi hetk tuleb sul lihtsalt blokk ette ja sa ei suuda edasi kirjutada. Sellega kaasneb see, et su lugejad muudkui nuruvad ja nuruvad, et sa edasi kirjutaks, kuid sa ei suuda midagi teha. Masendav, kas teate.

Vahepeal mulle meeldis sõbrannadega väljas käia. Michelle oli meie grupis see, kes alati mingeid uusi põnevaid toidu- ja joogikohti leidis, mida me siis kaemas käisime. See oli tore. Veel käisin metsas ja mere ääres jalutamas.
Kuid tõepoolest, et ma midagi taolist nagu Jason teeksin - ei, miks? Segane. Ma ei suutnud isegi ette kujutada, kuidas ma peaksin Google'i lahti võtma ja mingit sellist infot otsima. See tundus .. mindfuckina.

Pealegi, kui ma nii väga huvitavat infot tahtsin teada, oli mul selleks Tumblr. Sest ausalt ka, isegi kui paljud arvavad, et see on massiivne mõttetus ja kõigest pildiblogi - debiilikute kari -, siis tõsi oli see, et seal on massiivselt sellist infot, mida sa muidu eriti kuskilt teada ei saaks. Ja tavaliselt on see ka tõsi.
Nii et ma ei tea. Võib-olla mul siiski mingi tarkusetera peas oli.
Aa, ei, oodake. Kuidas mulle meeldibki öelda: tähtis pole tarkus, vaid arukus. Seal on vahe sees.

*

Päev rannas. Mm. Mis võib parem olla. Ah jaa .. tõepoolest. Mis saab olla parem päevast rannas enamuse su klassiga - mis tähendab ka, et su crushid on seal - ning see kõik on nii suurepärane, fantastiline, ideaalne, perfektne .. Mmhm.
Peesitada rannas oli tõepoolest nii suurepärane. Päike ei kõrvetanud, vaid soojendas mõnusalt, muutes meid kõiki mõnusalt pruuniks.

Lesisin Analeigh ja Cassie vahel, Jason ja Jake olid üksteisest erinevates suundades, kuid minust mõnusas kauguses.
Mu silmad olid kinni ja ma kuulasin poiste juttu sellest, millised kõhulihased kellelegi on.
Oh, poisid...

"Mul on ka sixpack," Jake'i hääle kuulmine tekitas mu kehas värinaid. Muidugi sul on, kullake. "Vahel isegi kaheksapakk," Veel parem. "Ainult et ta on seestpoolt,"
Mida kuradit? Tegelt või? Surusin alla tahte järsult istukile tõusta, ümber pöörata ja tema kaheksapakki vaadata. C'mon, Jake'i oli suurepärane keha ja miks ta üldse peaks endast nii rääkima?

Poisid naersid. Sain aru, et nad lihtsalt mängivad lolli.
Ilmselgelt. Nad on meil kõik suht heas vormis. Naeratasin. Õige. On küll. Tuli tahtmine keelt limpsata, kuid vari mu kohal peatas kõik mu mõtted ja sundis silmi avama.
Mu kohal oli Analeigh.

"Hmm?" Kergitasin ootavalt kulmu ja vaatasin tüdrukule otsa.
Analeigh näol valitses kõrvust kõrvuni naeratus, mis oli mingit sorti visiitkaart - ma mõtlen, see oli alati seal. Aa, ei, oodake hetk .See oli seal siis, kui ei pidanud tegema mingit emakeele ülesannet, näiteks kirjutama mingit asja kokku, sest siis läks tüdruk endast täiesti välja ja võis vabalt nutma hakata. Polnud üllatus enam, kui ta keset kirjutamist püsti tõusis ja pikemaks ajaks - kui mitte kogu värgi lõpuni - kuskil redutas. See oli juba täiesti tavaline. Aga muidu oli Analeigh jah, oma naermise ja naeratamise poolest kuulus.

"Kutid läksid ujuma, tahad ka?"
Tõusin aeglaselt istuli ja vaatasin uimaselt ringi. Osad inimesed olid kadunud, osa jällegi tundus tuduvat - kas ma tõepoolest olin isegi magama jäänud? Nojah siis. Jasoni koht oli tühi ning kui ma pilgu ookeanile pöörasin, võisin ta mustade ujumispükste järgi ära tunda.
Jeps, see on tema.

Nägin, et seal olid ka Ian ja veel 6 kutti. Mulle sobis küll.
Võtsin päikeseprillid peast, tõusin püsti ja ringutasin. Seejärel naeratasin Analeigh'le, kes endiselt mu rätiku kõrval kükitas.
"Läki," ütlesin talle entusiastlikult ning pistsin vee poole punuma.