31.12.11

OMC #22: You must be kidding me, right?

"No, definitely not. No!"
"Why not, Caro, look at yourself and say if you are not worth boys' attention?"

"Did you know that if I even get boys' attention, then only remove the ugly boys? Except you, of course."
"Ugly? "

"Yes. As you see them, then you will understand. Actually you have seen some of them."
"Who?"

"Aidan, Toby, Spencer"
He nodded after each name, as if he pictured them and rated. "You my poor girl ... But it doesn't change the fact that Zack may like you .. or is he ugly as well?"

"Michelle thinks about him better than I, I'd say. I don't like him much."
"And we all know why,"

"You're talking like Cassie,"
"Familiar, however. In some way."

"So you know?"
"That my mother and her aunt are girl friends? Yes, we have once met on a meeting."

"Mh?"
"I don't remember, they had some girl friends get-together,"

"Right, yeah, Cassie told me. But still. Me and Zack? It's not possible."
"Don't cross it out .. even though he hardly has chances,"

"Yes, I don't like him,"
"This, too, but I wouldn't give you to him,"

"Am I a commodity or something?"
"I thought ..."

"I know, I just fooled,"
"Oh, you!"

"Don't, don't!" I laughed, as he began to tickle me.
I tumbled on the couch next to him, because I'm terribly afraid of tickling. Suddenly his face was very close.

"You can't escape easily," I said, after a long, long kiss.
"Nah, I had already this hope,"

"You've always hoped for this. And in fact, you have won."
"You haven't been able to repress you curiosity completely,"

"No, I'm not this good at it yet ... is it now necessary?"
"I would not say that you have asked wrong or unnecessary questions,"

"So I may continue?"
"I thought your questions have stopped,"

"No, I'm just not sure if they are right to ask,"
"Why not?"

"Because I do not think that you remember our conversations ... do you?"
Jason had a big grin on his face. "If you want to say that only girls can remember everything that guys have ever said to them, then you're wrong. I remember very well everything that we've ever talked about."

"Really?"
"Mhm,"

"Wow. I would have never thought."
"Because I'm a boy?"

"Because you're Jason,"
"It sounds like some kind of an insult,"

"No. It sounds like a lifestyle."
Jason's hollow laugh filled room. "Maybe,"

"Definitely,"
"Do you want sherbet?"

"You're really asking that?" I leaned on my elbows, to climb off the couch.
His hands on my waist didn't let me go. "Where now?"

"Shouldn't you bring the sherbet?"
"That's why I'm asking,"

"I need to go to the bathroom,"
"Okay," He kissed me on the cheek once again, releasing my waist.

I headed to the bathroom while he went to the kitchen for our dessert.
The light flashed threateningly, and then went out.

***

The roof. At first glance I thought I am in a completely unfamiliar place. But then I understood.
In Melbourne.

I have been there for a couple of times - Melbourne is very beautiful.
But why am I here? And wasn't I just in the bathroom at Jason's.

Suddenly, it became clearer. I'm at the top of the Crown Casino ... Wait, what?
The problem is that I'm afraid of heights at times. At times, because the roof of a house is okay to be normal, but .. Crown Casino was too much.

***

I kept breathing deeply, leaning on the bathroom wall.
The light was back. "Jason?"

His face was puzzled and worried. "You screamed and I ..." He made a waved his hands in indefinitely way.
"I .. screamed?" I really didn't remember anything about screaming.

"What happened?"
I told him, as someone had done it for me - my voice was so sure. "Something will happen. We have to keep off the height."

"What?" Jason's facial expression was still confused and scared.
"I have to .. sit down,"

He took me up bridal stile without further questions and took me to the living room. Lemon sherbet waited on the table already.

"Tell now, what happened, why were you shouting?"
I took another deep breath. Strangely, I needed time all the time since then. "I had something like a vision. Yes, that's right. I was on the roof of Crown Casino. Just on the top."

"Crown Casino?"
"Melbourne,"

"Yes, yes, I know. I just ..." He shook his head. "Go on."
"I'm not quite sure, but I felt a terrible fear. I had a forevision that something terrible will happen. And the point is that not exactly in Crown, but somewhere .. in the heights at all. On the roof somewhere else."

"Like someone .. jumps down from there?"
"Not just someone." I watched at Jason with my big eyes full of fear . "One of us."
 ***
Melbourne
Crown Casino

30.12.11

ÄKAM #2: Ja nii algab ülesanne


Niipea kui ma jõudsin kooli peale kiiret kojujooksu, et vahetada riideid, tajusin endal palju uudishimulikke pilke mind.
Ilmselgelt. Veel üks tüdruk, kellega Liam Hormshot magas. Äge. Oodake natuke, mu sõbrad, te veel näete, kuidas see kõik lõpeb.

Teine võimalus, miks nad mind vahtisid, võisid olla minu riided. Kui et ma juba otsustasin olla mängija, pidin ma ka vastavalt välja nägema. Seega panin palju rohkem paljastava topi kui tavaliselt - roosa babydolli, musta rüüsidega miniseeliku ja mustad kontsad. Ma ei kanna kunagi kontsi ja paljastavat babydolli kooli. Kuid selline oli ülesanne.

"Kallis, mul on nii kahju! Ma ei ole kunagi võinud mõelnud, Liam käituks sinuga nii, ma arvasin, et ta on muutunud." Saleisha käed olid minu ümber.
Ta arvab, et mu süda on murtud. "Saleisha, kõik on hästi. Ma olen okei."

"Tõesti?" Ta lõpetas minu kallistamise, et ta saaks mulle otsa vaadata. "Sa ei ole .. tead küll .. murtud südamega?"
"Kindlasti mitte,"

"Wow, tugev tüdruk,"
"Jah, ma ei pea pikka viha, maksan vaid kätte ja unustan."

"Sa oled geenius"
"Tänud,"

Hakkasime meie klassi poole jalutama, kui keegi hõikas mind.
Noh, hei, Cammy.

"Hei, Roxy," ütles ta, kui meile järele jõudis.
Saleisha oli huvitatud, kui ta meid jälgis.

Pakun, et ta arvab, et mu süda pole murtud, kuna ma leidsin teise poisi, kellega koos olla.
"Tere, Cammy,"

"Roxana, ma tahtsin rääkida eilsest ööst ..." Ta alustas kohmetunult - tegelt!? -, kratsides oma kaela.
"Jah, mis sellega on?" küsisin mittehuvitunult.

"Noh .. ma tahtsin küsida .. võib-olla meeldiks sulle õhtusöök või midagi?"
"Haha, mida? Sa kutsud mind õhtusöögile? Kas tõesti?"

"Jah, miks sa ..?"
"Ma arvan, et ei". Tundsin Saleisha pilku endal.

Kui mitte arvestada asjaolu, tal oli Adam, keda ta tõeliselt armastab, mõtles ta, et Cameron on kuum tükk. Noh, tõsi ta on, et oli, kuid lisaks oli ta ka mängur, nii et ... Jah, see on teine ​​punkt. Pärast seda, kui Cammy ütles, et ta tahaks rääkida eilsest ööst, sai Saleisha kohe pihta. Ja mõelgem, kui palju kordi ma kinnitasin talle, et kunagi ei maga temaga.
Noh, asjad muutuvad.
"Mida? Miks mitte?"
"Ma ei tea, mida sa arvasid, aga minu jaoks polnud see midagi muud kui lõbu. Ma lihtsalt vajasin kedagi ja sa juhtusid olema seal, minust huvitatud, nii et ma kasutasin võimalust."

Cammy lihtsalt vaatas mind, ma võiks isegi öelda, et polnuks inimesi meie ümber, oleks tema suu lahti. Ta ei öelnud midagi, lihtsalt pöördus ja kõndis kiiruga ära.

"Kas sa oled hull?" küsis Saleisha.
"Ei,"

"Siis miks ..? Oh ei, ma sain aru. Ma arvan. Kuid see ei saa olla tõsi, ega?"
"Kui sa 'selle' all mõtled, et ma olen nüüd naismängur, siis on sul õigus."

"Märgur? Sa teed nalja."
"Sugugi mitte. Ma ei lase enam kunagi ühelgi poisil mulle taas haiget teha. Nüüd olen mina see, kes mängib nendega."

"Roxy, ma olen mures,"
"Ära ole. Ma lihtsalt tahan kätte maksta."

"Aga ainult Liam tegi sulle haiget. Miks sa teed haiget teistele?"
"Mitte kõigile. Ainult mänguritele."

Ta langetas oma käed allaandmise märgiks. "Noh, ma ei tea, mida öelda."
Mu pilk vilksatas sinnapoole, kuhu Cammy kadus. "Mina ka," mõmisesin.

"Nii et seetõttu sa kannad seda kõike," osutas ta on mu riietele.
"Jah, see on minu ülesanne,"

"Oh. Ma hakkan ainult rohkem kartma."
"Ära karda, sõbranna. Ma lihtsalt õpetan mõnedele idiootidele häid kombeid."

"Ma kardan, et sa saad haiget"
"Miks?"

"Noh, tead, sa ei tea kunagi, kelle su süda .. armumiseks või millekski .. välja valib."
"Ma ei saa haiget. Ma oskan nüüd enda tundeid kontrollida,"

"Aga keegi ei suuda kontrollida oma tundeid!"
"Usu mind, mina saan," Kuigi mul pole aimugi, kuidas.
***

"Hei, musi,"
Hei, Jack Sweeney, mängija #2, kes arvab, et ta saab minuga mängida. "Hei, Jack," ütlesin ma, kummardudes talle lähemale.

Tema silmad liikusid mu silmadelt mu rinnale.
Ära kunagi looda, et mängurid vaatavad sulle silma.

"Kuidas oleks õhtusöögiga täna? C'est la vie's äkki?"
"Kõlab hästi."

"Ma tulen sinu poole 8ks,"
Saatsin talle flirtiva pilgu. Teeseldud, muidugi. Tema aga jäi uskuma. Mäng õnnestub. "Näeme siis,"

***

"Jack Sweeney? Tõsiselt räägid või?"
"Sa kuulsid mind,"

"Wow, nad tõesti langevad su võlu kätte,"
"Noh, see pole päris minu idee, kuid see viib sinna,"

"Mis su idee on siis?"
"Kättemaks, nagu ma ütlesingi. Ma tahan, et seekord kannataks Liam."

"Sa teed nii, et ta armuks sinusse?"
"Midagi sinnakanti. Teised mängijad on lihtsalt viis, et ta armuks. Võimalikult palju."

"Kuule, ma tõesti ei mõista seda "naismänguri" asja. Ma mõtlen, et poisse kutsutakse mänguriteks, kui nad magavad paljude tüdrukutega. Aga kui tüdrukud magavad palju poistega, siis nad on ... "

"Hoorad, jah. Siin ongi erinevus. Naismängur ei maga kunagi iga mehefa, kes viib ta välja. Kui rääkida minust, siis ma ei maga ühegagi. Minu idee on hoopis panna nad arvama, et nad saavad mu, kui tegelikkuses nad ei saa. "

"Kuidas?"
"Noh, ma lähen nendega kohtingutele, siis teen nii, et nad armuvad. Ja kui nad armuvad, siis mul hakkab igav ja ma jätan nad maha. Nii et ma lasen neil armuda, et siis lihtsalt nende südamed murda. Kui neil on need. Niisiis, selle asemel, et lasta neil minuga mängida, mängin mina nendega. Kõlab ägedalt, mis?

"Wow. Sa oled tõesti täiega selle mängu sees, kas pole? Ja ma .. noh, ma arvan, et see võib olla lahe, aga samal ajal ka mitte .. kena. Sa mängid ju nende tunnetega!"
"Liam Hormshot mängis minu tunnetega ka. Kuna ma ei saa lihtsalt minna ja teha nii, et ta minusse armuks, pean ma talle näitama, mida ta kaotas." ütlesin jäise häälega.

"Ma ikka ei usu, et see on hea,"
"Aeg näitab," vastasin ma.

***

NFFAP #2: And so begins the task


As I reached the school after running home to change my clothes, I could feel lots of gazes on me.
Sure. Another girl Liam Hormshot slept with. Cool. Wait a bit, my friends, you'll see how it all ends.

Another possibility why they were glaring, might be my clothing. As I decided to be a player, I had to look like one. So I put on a lot more revealing top as I usually do - pink babydoll, black ruffle miniskirt and black heels. I would never wear heels and revealing babydoll to school. But that was the task.

"Dear, I'm so sorry! I could have never thought Liam would actually do this to you, I thought he has changed." Saleisha's arms were around me.
She thinks I'm heartbroken. "Saleisha, it's alright. I'm okay."

"Really?" She stopped hugging me, so she could face me. "You're not .. you know .. heartbroken?"
"Surely not,"

"Wow, tough girl,"
"Yeah, I don't like to be mad long, I'll just get my revenge and that's it."

"You're genius,"
"Thanks,"

We started heading to our classes as someone called me.
Well, hey, Cammy.

"Hey, Roxy," he said as he reached us.
Saleisha was  intrigued as she watched us.

Guess she thinks I'm not heartbroken 'cause I found another guy to be with.
"Hello, Cammy,"

"Roxana, I wanted to talk about last night..." He started, ashamed - seriously?! -, scratching his neck.
"Yeah, what about that?" I asked, bored.

"Well .. I wanted to ask .. maybe you will like a dinner or sth?"
"Haha, what? You invite me to dinner? Really?"

"Yeah, why do you..?"
"I guess no." I could feel Saleisha's gaze on me.

If not counting the fact she had Adam, who she really loved, she thought Cameron is hot stuff. Well, the truth is, he was, but besides that he was a player, so... Yeah, that's the second point. After Cammy said he would like to talk about last night, Saleisha immediately got it. And let's think about how many times I told her I will never sleep with him.

Well, things change.
"What? Why not?"
"I don't know what you thought about, but for me it was nothing but fun. I just needed someone and you happened to be there, interested in me, so I used  the advantage."

Cammy just glared at me, I could even say, if there weren't people around us, his mouth would be open. He didn't say anything, just turned and started walking away quickly.

"Are you crazy?" asked Saleisha.
"Nope,"

"Then why..? Oh no, I got it. I guess. But it can't be true, can it?"
"If by 'it' you mean, I became a female player, then you're right."

"Player? You must be kidding me."
"Not at all. I won't ever let any boy hurt me again. Now I'm the one that plays with them."

"Roxy, I'm worried,"
"You shouldn't be. I'm just getting my revenge."

"But only Liam hurt you. Why you hurt others?"
"Not everyone. Only the players."

She dropped her hands, giving up. "Well, I don't know what to say here."
I shoot another look where Cammy disappeared. "Me, too," I mumbled.

"So this is why you are wearing all of this," She pointed at my clothes.
"Yeah, that's my task,"

"Oh. I'm only more afraid."
"Don't be afraid, girl friend. I'm just teaching some jerks good manners."

"I'm afraid you'll get hurt,"
"Why?"

"Well, you know, you never know who your heart are going to choose to .. fall in love or something."
"I won't. I control my feelings from now,"

"But you can't control your feelings!"
"Trust me, I can," Although I have no idea how.

***

"Hey, baby,"
Hey, Jack Sweeney, player #2 who thinks he can play with me. "Hey, Jack," I said, leaning closer to him.

His eyes moved from my eyes to my breast.
Well, never expect from male players to look you into the eye.

"What about dinner tonight? At C'est la vie maybe?"
"Sounds good,"

"I'll be at yours at 8,"
I gave him the glad eye. Pretending, of course. But he believed it. Good game. "See you then,"

***

"Jack Sweeney? Are you serious?"
"You heard me,"

"Wow, they really start falling for your charm,"
"Well, that's not my real point, but it leads here,"

"What's your point then?"
"I said, revenge. I want to make Liam suffer this time."

"You make him fall in love with you?"
"Kind of. The others players are just a way to make him fall. Harder."

"Listen, I don't really understand this 'female player' thing. I mean, boys are called players as they sleep with lots of girls. But if girls sleep with lots of boys, then they are..."
"Sluts, yeah. Here's the difference. Female player never sleeps with every guy who takes her out. If talking about me, then I'm not gonna sleep with any of them. My point is just to make them think they can actually have me, when in reality they can't."

"How?"
"Well, I go to the dates with them, then manipulates guys to fall for me. And as they'd fell for me, I get bored and leave them. So in my point, I'm going to make them fall for me, I'll just kind of break their hearts. If they have ones. So, probably I get them played instead of them playing with me. Sounds cool, huh?"

"Wow. You're really in, aren't you? And I .. well, I guess it may be cool, but not .. nice as well. You're going to play with their feelings!"
"Liam Hormshot played with my feelings as well. As I can't just go and make him fall for me, I have to show him what he lost." I said with icy voice.

"I still don't think it's good,"
"The time will show," I answered.

***


29.12.11

OMC #21: New Turn

"Um ..." I wasn't prepared for question like that, "I guess that maybe you will start from the beginning?"
"One morning in August ..."

I understood what was his point. "No, no, I do not think so from the beginning. I guess I also would like to know about .. conception, right. I mean ..." What start I want?
"Naah, I just wanted to tell you my whole life story ..."

"Later." I replied, so I could earn some time. Do I want to hear about his and his girlfriend time together? No. After the break-up? Not quite. Starting from break-up. Yes. "I believe that since the break-up would be  .. nice." I wanted to beat myself. Nice?!

"You know what to choose. You just take on of the most painful period of my life."
"You know, you don't have ..." I started, but because it was Jason's own phrase, he knew perfectly how it ends.

"But I want," he argued.
"Then I'm totally listening," I sat more comfortably.

But he shook his head. "Do you want my work to be bogged down?" He pointed at tasty lasagna.
And who said he can't cook? "But you're gonna escape again. And I promised my mother to be at home by midnight."

"Tomorrow's Saturday," he reminded.
"And Jake's party. Where do I hardly get access to if I will stay longer. I couldn't even get out a whole week. But I told her that we don't have a party every week."

"Yeah... I suppose we will have 4 hours?"
"Something like that,"

"Then we'll eat lasagna now, after that I'll answer your questions later, then sherbet and talking again. And you're home by midnight."
I nodded. "I believe it is,"

***

"I wouldn't like to talk about my former relationship, because, you know, it's personal after all. Moreover, there is not anything important."
"Why did you take ' a break'?"

"I told you - there are things that girl could disturb,"
"And now I don't?"

"I'm trying to cope with it,"
"So I really don't bother you?"

"No, like I sometime told you .. you're the smallest of my problems."
"Am I the problem?"

"No. Do you want to listen, or we're gonna argue more about who you are to me?"
I stared at the table. In fact, I wanted both, but said nothing.

"I suppose it was the first. So. OMG, I don't know what to tell you. Ask something."
"And if I'll ask the wrong question?"

"I can comfort you by saying that the level of false question have gone down, so you are more likely to ask the right question"
"That's really a good thing. Okay, okay." Jason's look told me that there's no point in spending this little time we have. "What are these things that I may disturb?"

"Work,"
I raised my brow.

Jason shook his head. "You don't get it,"
"Jason." I did not like the way he talked. "Wait a minute. I still haven't asked where you are working and what is your profession?"

"Courier," was the short answer.
I had a weird feeling inside. Like some kind of deja vu or something. I ignored it. "Still, how can I bother you about your work?"

Jason looked at me very gravely. "I work part-time, and thus get less money,"
"Oh,"

"But it's best that I can afford now. Besides," he pulled me closer, "I have you and it's much better than I should be working the whole time and without you."
"Aww," I said, and he kissed my forehead.

"You want to know something else?"
"What's wrong with Zack?"

"Again this .. I told you to ask yourself from him. I can't read his thoughts, after all."
"But you're his friend, his best friend. Why does he do that to you?"

"I'm not his best friend. And he's not mine. We're just friends. And why does he? Well, I do not know - maybe he doesn't have his own woman, so he has to do sth with you."
"To do sth with me?"

"You understood, after all,"
"Yep, I did. But still. I don't know, it seems so strange to me."

"Haven't you thought, for example, that ..." Jason grew numb.
"What?" I was intrigued.

"Well, I'm not quite sure what will you think about it,"
"Tell me. I want you to know the end."

"Okay. Have you ever thought that Zack acts like this because .. because he likes you?"

ÄKAM tegelased

Roxy (Rachele Brooke Smith)
Cammy (Jean-Luc Bilodeau)
Liam (Joe Brooks)
Saleisha (Berit Birkeland)
Adam (Milan Stankovic)























28.12.11

MOA #2: Pöördepunkt


Caro, sa ei tohi temast mõelda, kas tead. Tal on tüdruk, eks ole. Aaaaaga .. ta on endiselt kuum tükk. Okei, stopp, stopp! Mõtle füüsikast parem. Sellest oleks kasulik aeg-ajalt mõelda.

Kõndisin mööda tühje koolikoridore, trepist alla, mind saatmas vaid mu enda kajavad sammud, kui ma kuulsin seda. See oli kõige ilusam kitarrimäng, mida ma eales kuulnud olin. Ja see oli üks mu lemmiklugudest - Nazarethi "Love Hurts"i. Poisihääl laulis peale ka.

"Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They're not foolin' me
"

Tippisin ettevaatlikult ja vaikselt seina taha, et ta mind ei näeks. Alles siis sain ma aru, kes seda lugu mängib.
Süda hakkas taguma märgatavalt kiiremini. Jason.
Endised piirangud oma meelele olid taas kaotatud. Kui hale.

"I know it isn't true, I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts......ooh, ooh love hurts
ooh, ooh love hurts
" 

Tal on imeline hääl, mõtlesin ma, püsides endiselt peidus.
Kuid, nagu kõik head asjad, lõppes lugu paari hetke pärast.

Tõmbasin hinge, sest olin lugu kuulates mõned hingetõmbed vahele jätnud.
Minu puhul tüüpiline.

Piilusin seina tagant ja .. sattusin tema pilgu otsa.
Kohmetusin, lüües pilgu maha.

"Kuidas oli siis?" küsis ta, pannes kitarri enda kõrvale.
"See oli imeline..." ütlesin imetleval häälel, otsekui hõljuksin pilvedes. Armas, nüüd ma jätan endast veel hullu mulje ka.

"Tõesti ?" imestas ta.
"Kindla peale. Miks sa küsid?"

"No .. muusikakoolis öeldi, et see on kohutav. Et ma mängin mustalt ja värki."
"Tegelt? Ma küll ei ütleks."

"Hmm. Paistab, et sa oled suht ainuke. Isegi mu tüdruk ütles, et see on kohutav."
"Siis ta peaks olema segane..." Oh shit, mida ma nüüd ütlesin?! "Ma tahtsin öelda..."

"Miks sa seda seina taga kuulasid?" muutis ta järsult teemat.
Huvitav. Saatsin talle juhmi pilgu.

"Noh, tead küll, sa oleks võinud välja ka tulla - ma ei hammusta,"
"Ma ei mõelnud selle peale kuidagi..." kokutasin vastuseks.

"Ega's siis midagi," lausus ta püsti tõustes.
"Miks sa just sellise loo valisid?" küsisin, järgnedes talle garderoobi.

"Ajad on sellised," lausus ta tusaselt, millest ma järeldasin, et ta ei soovi sellest vestelda.
Hingasin sügavalt välja. "Ooookei," venitasin vastuseks, haarates oma jaki.

End ümber pöörates leidsin, et ta oli läinud. Imelik, mõtlesin tema kiiruse kohta. Tema käitumise kohta mõtlesin hoopis: tüüpiline.

Iseenesest oleksin ju võinud selle peale solvuda. Kuid, teades Jasonit, ma ei suutnud. Ma mõtlesin hoopis, kui piinlik see olukord just oli.
Ma tõesti loodan, et ainult minule.

Sest tol hetkel oli see viimane asi, mida ma tahtsin - et Jason Lockwood saaks teada, et ta tähendab mulle midagi.

***

Koju jõudes logisin end taas facebooki sisse, mis osutus keerukaks, kuna Angel otsustas, et on tõeliselt äge üle mu klaviatuuri edasi-tagasi tippida. Kannatasin teda kõige rohkem 10 minutit, peale mida ta vihaselt eemale tõstsin. Ta sisistas korraks mu peale ja liikus siis rõdule.

Parem ongi. Nii, lõpuks.
Ma ei teadnud, milleks ma tahtsin veel kord seda kontrollida.
Lihtsalt ekraani jõllitamine tõenäoliselt ei aita, mis?

Klikkisin Jasoni kontole, sealt edasi infosse. Kerisin alla, süda vihaselt tuksumas.
Tahaks ma ise ka teada, kuidas süda vihaselt tuksub...

Kuid paari hetke pärast tuksles see juba kiiremini ja mitte vihast, vaid õnnest. Mis sest et mu silmad ei tahtnud uskuda seda, mida ma nägin.
Süda on mul alati loll olnud ja usub kõike.

Jason Lockwood is listed as single.
Jason Lockwood. Is listed. As Single.

Oota, mida? Ei, ei, ei, see ei saa nii olla. Alles hommikul oli ta ju...
Ning siis sain ma pihta.
Love Hurts. "Ajad on sellised,". Kiire lahkumine ilma hüvasti jätmata - mitte et see mittetemalik oleks. Ainult et... Igatahes, jah. See vajab kontrolli.

Mida teha, kui sa tahad kindel olla, kas ühel leheküljel kirjutatu on tõsi? Õige, kontrolli teistelt lehekülgedelt.
Twitter. Kõik kommentaarid tema tüdruku .. endise tüdruku (endiselt küsimärgi all) poolt olid kustutatud.

MySpace. Vallaline. Armas.
Armas võib ta ju olla. Kuid kuidas kuradi pärast see võimalik on?!

***

"Miks sa imestad? Inimesed lähevad lahku, see on loomulik,"
"Ma ei tea isegi. See on lihtsalt nii ..."

"Nii mida?"
"Mul ei ole õrna aimugi,"

"No näed nüüd. Pigem soovitaksin võimalust kasutada. 'Kuumad kutid' ei vedele tee peal, kas tead."
"Ja miks kuumad kutid on jutumärkides?"

"Sest a) see on sinu väljend ning b) sa ju tead, et Jason pole minu tüüp."
"Ohjah,"

"Nüüd mine ja võta ta, tüdruk. Selline on minu nõuanne sulle,"
"Kui vaid see nii lihtne oleks,"

Õigus oli pigem minu poolel (nagu praktika pärastpoole näitas). Esimene probleem oli selles, et Jasonit polnud msnis ja helistama ma talle nüüd küll ei hakkaks. Teine oli see, et mul polnud õrna aimugi, mida ma tegema peaks. Sest poistele külge lüüa ma küll ei osanud.
Haha, kõlas sarkastiline naer mu peas.

MNLS #2: Turning point


Caro, you mustn't think about him, you know. He has a girlfriend, okay. Buuuuuut .. He is still hot stuff. Okay, stop, stop! Think about the physics better. It would be useful to think about it at times.

I walked along the empty school corridors, down the stairs, accompanied by my own steps when I heard it. This was the most beautiful guitar play I have ever heard. And it was one of my favorite songs - Nazareth "Love Hurts". The boy sang, too.

"Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They're not foolin' me
"

I tripped carefully and quietly, hiding myself behind the wall, that he wouldn't see me. Only then I realized who was preforming this song.
The heart started to beat much faster. Jason.
The former restrictions I gave to my mind were lost again. What a pity.

"I know it isn't true, I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts......ooh, ooh love hurts
ooh, ooh love hurts
"

He has a wonderful voice, I thought, still hiding.
But, like all good things, the song ended after a couple of moments.

I took a deep breath, because as I was listening I missed some breaths.
Typical if speaking about me.

I peeked behind the wall and .. met his eyes.
I grew numb, dropping my eyes.

"How was it?" he asked, putting his guitar aside.
"It was wonderful ..." I asked admiringly, as floating in the clouds. Lovely, besides everything, he will think I'm insane.
 
"Really?" he wondered.
"True this. Why do you ask?"

"Mmh. .. in the music school they told me it's terrible. That I play wrong and stuff."
"Are you serious? I can't say that."

"Hmm. Looks like you're the only one. Even my girlfriend said it's terrible."

"Then she must be crazy ..." Oh shit, what did I say?! "I mean..."
"Why were you listening to it behind the wall?" He abruptly changed the topic.

Interesting. I sent him a numb look.
"Well, you know, you shouldn't hide yourself - I don't bite,"

"I didn't think about it..." I stuttered in response.
"Well, okay," he said standing up.

"Why did you chose a song like this?" I asked, following him to the wardrobe.
"It's time like this," he said sulkily, from what I concluded that he didn't want to talk to it.

I breathed deeply. "Ooookay," I answered, grabbing my jacket.
As I turned around, he was gone. Strange, I thought about his speed. About his behavior I thought: typical.

I should became offended, after all. But, knowing Jason, I couldn't. I actually thought about how awkward this moment was.
I really hope that only for me.

Because at that time it was the last thing I wanted - to get Jason Lockwood know that he means something to me.

***

Getting home, I logged myselfto Facebook again, which turned to be difficult, because Angel decided it would be really cool to walk over and over my keyboard. I endured her at most 10 minutes, after which I angrily lifted her away. She hissed at me for a second and then moved to the balcony.

Better. So,finally.
I didn't know why I wanted to check it again.
Just staring at the screen won't help, right?

I clicked at Jason's account, on the info. I scrolled down, my heart beat angrily.
I personally would like to know how the heart beats angrily...

But after a few moments after it started to beat faster and not angrily but happily. It didn't matter that my eyes couldn't believe what they saw.
My heart has always been dumb and believes everything.

Jason Lockwood is listed as single.
Jason Lockwood. Is Listed.
As Single. 

Wait, what? No, no, no, it can't be true. Only in the morning he was ...
And then I got it.
Love Hurts. "It's time like this," Quick leaving without saying goodbye - not that it would be not him. Only that... Anyway, yes. It needs to be checked.

What to do if you want to be sure whether a page has true information? Right,check the other pages.
Twitter. All comments his girlfriend .. ex-girlfriend (still in question) left were deleted.

MySpace. Single. Lovely.
Yeah, it may be lovely. But how the hell can it be true?!

***

"Why are you surprised? People break up, it is natural,"
"I don't even know. It's just so ..."

"So what?"
"I have no idea,"

"You see. I suggests you use the chance. 'Hot guys' are not lying on the road, you know."
"And why are hot guys in quotation marks?"

"Because a) it is your phrase, and b) you know that Jason is not my type."
"Yeah..."

"Now go and get him, girl. This is my advice to you,"
"If only it was that easy,"

I was right (according to later practice), though. The first problem was that Jason wasn't on MSN and I'd calling him wasn't in my plans. The second was that I had no idea what I should do. Because I never knew how to hit on a boy.
Haha, a sarcastic laugh sounded in my head.

26.12.11

OMC #20

"I told you that you should let him run after you,"
"I know, Mom, that's why I did this," 

"You're learning," She winked at me.
"Yeah," 

"So you need a new dress?" 
"The dress? I was about to put jeans and..." 

"Oh no, you have to look nice today. I can do make-up and do your hair, if you want." * My mother works as cosmetician.*
 "It would be nice." I smiled at her, "The dress .. I'll see if I have something." 

I had. We watched though all of my dresses - which I really had a lot - until we found suitable.
 "It is not very formal, but also not casual. What do you think?" 

I whirled myself in front of the mirror. "I like it," 
The dress had black and white dots, black belt below the breasts, it was also flounced and with frills. My mother made suitable manicure, makeup and hairstyle. I was ready to go. 

"Thanks, Mummy," I whispered, hugging her goodbye.
 "Please, please. And behold, you will ..." 

"Yes, Mom, we won't do fool things," I wanted to be added 'yet', but changed my mind. This is personal.

"All right. Well, bye then." 

"Bye," 
Of course, I didn't have to walk, my father agreed to take me there. 

"Have fun," he said as a good-bye. 
"Yes, definitely,"

***


"Hey, you came,"

 "Of course I came. How could you prove yourself, if I hadn't come?" 

Jason, like a true gentleman, hung my coat in the closet. His eyes slipped over my dress.
"Like it?" I whirled in front of him. 

"You look great," He kissed me on the cheek.
I was ready for his next comment, but the smell of burning, coming from the kitchen, stopped me.  "Something  is burning," 

Jason's eyes widened, and he rushed to the kitchen. I tried not to laugh. It's, after all, his first time...
I washed my hands in the bathroom, then headed to the kitchen, to help the poor boy. 

"So, kiamaniere iri?"
 "Uh ... malbona," he admitted. 

"Where can I get an apron?"
 "Not so bad. Seriously, you don't have to..." 

"Where can I get an apron?" I asked strongly. 
He pointed. "Be careful, don't ruin your beautiful dress," 

I liked his caring. "What you have with these aprons?" I pointed at his at first, then at the one I was going to wear.
 "Mother likes different quotes," 

"Yes, very funny. So, what is for dinner?"
 "Lasagna, sherbet," 

"You're joking," Jason's tenacity surprised me.
 "Nope. And it looks like I had chose the right thing." 

"Yeah. So, you need some help?" 
"Sherbet should be re-mixed, in order to avoid crystals," 

I took this delicious treat out of the fridge and mixed it. If being honest, I had never made a sherbet, but after seeing it I was tempted to try.
"So," I said, as the sherbet was back in a freezer, "waiting for further orders, master-chief." 

"This is too much to say, but thank you,"
 I waved my hands, to show I was still waiting for further commands. 

Jason shrugged his shoulders. "Everything is ready." He smiled at me with his bright smile, "Please to the table."
He took my hand and led to a beautiful living room, where he had created a very romantic atmosphere with candles. 

"It seems that you really have experience the girls," I mentioned his previous life. 
He turned a bit serious. "We didn't have anything like this," 

"Why not? Oh, sorry, I'm again ..." 
"It's okay. You know, you should get to know a little more about me." 

My eyes widened. "You're really ready to talk?" 
His hands slipped at my waist. "Not everything, but still. You're worth it. Of course, I also would like to know more about you." 

It was nice to cuddle with Jason again. It helped to forget everything - past, present, future. All my pain as I was waiting .. Stop. I'm currently in the present, not in the waiting past. "I don't believe there's something interesting in me," 

"Or isn't there?"
 "Not something that you have," 

"Each life story is unique, and you cannot say that one is more interesting than other," 
"Or can't I?" 

"No," was his sure answer.
 I raised my eyes - Jason was about 10 cm taller than me. 

"Let's talk while eating. Mademoiselle." Jason waited behind the seat, until I sat on it.
"Don't act the dandy, I study French as well, you know," 

"Or do you?"
 "Jason!" 

His funny laugh filled the room. "Sorry, but it's so addicting,"
 "I know," 

Then Jason became more serious, fundamentally changing the topic. "So, let's start from the beginning, right? What exaclty do you want to know?"

25.12.11

OMC #19: I can be cunning as well

"Thanks for accompanying me," I told Jake at my threshold.
"Always please. Can we go for a walk sometime else?"

"With a big pleasure," I said with a smile. I was lucky that I had found a new friend.
"Good." Jake really liked my answer, "I'll see you at school! And the day after tomorrow at the party." He winked at me.

"I look forward to. Bye!"
I went to my room, to study some physics again. Then I stretch after a long sitting, wondering what I could do next. I was alone again - my brother had dance practice, and parents went with him this time.

I could use the time to be on the web, lying later that I studied or read at that time - my mother was constantly worried that I'm sitting at the computer for too long and ruin my eyesight, even though I actually didn't sit this long. I even had borrowed a book. But "Beautiful Creatures" didn't bind me then.

Then I remembered that I had unwatched 45 minutes from last "Harry Potter" film, because I hadn't bothered to watch it.
C'mon, like 7 films, even 8. You may go crazy if watch all of them.
But now it seemed like the only likeable option.


***

Lunch. Noise around.
How typical. Boring. Oh.

What do all do at school lunch? Yes, of course - the latest gossip (aka who, with who, when, where, etc..), others use it otherwise of course... (Aka, look or better listen, where are you going to avoid get someone caught).
Noise increased again, but I almost didn't hear it. It was more like a background. I ate chicken Caesar, being in fact somewhere else. Jake's words made me think more deeply.

"The Earth is calling Caroline," Michelle called, but this time I was fully prepared for this.
"I'm completely there," I said, smiling, when I swallowed a mouthful of delicious salad.

"At least we have you still here," she continued.
I understood the hint, but didn't comment on it. I would like to see you when you finally have someone ... For example, Craig.
"Ah, Micha, let them be," murmured Cassie, who couldn't ignore what Micha said.

"Well, of course,"
"Naah, Micha, even I got over," I told her.

"Oh God! Then I have to get over it for sure." Michelle pretended an excessive shock.
"Exactly," I murmured.

We heard a cough behind, so our whole table - me, Cassie, Micha, Alasia, Analeigh and Hannah - turned our heads.
"Can we talk, Caro?"

I pursed my lips. "What do you want to talk about?"
"You know, my behavior ..."

I felt the curious glances of girls at us.
"Okay," I looked at my salad plat - Caesar was successfully eaten. Orange juice was drunk as well.

Yes, our school canteen is really enviable.
I stood up and followed Jason, throwing away the garbage as we walked past recycle bin.

"So?" I asked when we were in safe distance, arranging the bag on my shoulder. This suited very well my today outfit: a beige tunic, jeans and dark gray shoes.
"Please, forgive me again," said Jason sincerely, looking into my eyes.

"This time you at least have a reason," I couldn't help being mean a bit.
It touched him, I could see it from crooked being. "You're so mad?"

In fact, I was more scared than annoyed. I had never seen this Jason. I crossed hands. "I am,"
"What am I supposed to do, so you won't be?" Jason took my hands in his.

I looked at them for a moment, but then pulled back, once again crossing on chest.
Jason sighed. "Dinner Today, at 'Abla'? "

My mouth fell open. "You must be joking,"
A wide smile appeared on his mouth. "I suppose it was a 'yes',"

"This is ..."
"I book a table for 8,"

"I have a better idea,"
Jason looked at me suspiciously, but expectantly.

I smiled - my plan was successful. He hoped that the most expensive restaurant in the city can make me forgive him. Sorry, dear, but I have something better for you. Lord, I sound so .. bitchy. "What about you prepare the dinner by yourself?"
"You must be joking,"

Gotcha. "I'm sure more than I wouldn't be mad after that," I said thoughtfully.
I saw Jason growing numb. Yes, the boys in our class really can't cook. No one. That's the point.

"Well, at my house at eight?" the boy explained.
"And you better play fair!"

"I promise,"
"Great," I was pleased with my idea. I gave goodbye kiss on the cheek, because now we had different classes - handicraft and industrial arts.

I waved to him, and at the same time, the girls came to me.
"Well, what's the subject?" Alasia examined immediately.

Can't see any problem in not telling. "We had a little argument, now he's trying to get my trust back,"
"What task did you give him then?"

I get out a little laugh, because I still found my plan hilarious. "He wanted to take me to 'Abla'..."
"No way!" Cassie cried.

"It's the most expensive restaurant in the city," said Alasia.
"Yes, but I declined,"

"You're crazy!" said Michelle.
Even her? Wow. "I thought of something better,"

"What can be better than 'Abla'?" Hannah mused.
"Does anyone of our boys in class know how to cook?" I turned mostly to Analeigh. She just socialized with whole class.

"Level 1 in most cases. Sandwiches, fried eggs .. nothing special,"
"That's right. So..."

"You told him to prepare dinner by himself? You're a genius, Caro," exclaimed Analeigh.
"Or am I?" I asked a large smile.

"Who else would come out with this? I would go right to 'Abla." said Hannah.
"I wouldn't," was a typical response of Micha.

All the rest of us rolled our eyes.
"Let's go now," I called.

OMC #18: Candors

"You didn't tell last time, why you like to take walks in the woods," Jake immediately started a conversation.
"You didn't ask." I evaded from answering immediately. "I actually don't know. I like to walk by the sea. My opinion, you can get some peace, as people don't like to go somewhere in an abandoned place. But I prefer being lonely at times."

"At times?"
"Jason is great,"

"Yes, of course,"
"And you?"

"Huh?"
"Why do you like to walk in the woods?"

"I suppose you've noticed a group of people I socialize with?"
That's obvious, isn't it? "I guess everyone have,"

"Yes, exactly. But, in reality, Idon't like that. .. I'm more like .. Jason."
"But you ..."

"Yes, I know. I just .. this time it all came out again that we were in one company one time and they immediately decided that I'm this guy who likes parties, to socialize a lot etc. Not true, actually. I chill somewhere at times, although I would be more happy to sit at home .. or be here. "
"Why don't you show them your true face?" Coincidence? Again? No.

"It's called: 'have a position in class',"
"This is not an explanation." I argued, "Jason, for example, has his position in the class. Even though he doesn't belong to your .. gang." I couldn't resist the temptation to use their own jargon.

Jake also didn't miss it. "Addictive, isn't it? Um ..  have you heard what they talk about Jason?"
I shook my head slowly. * I knew only what my girl friends talk about him .*

"No. Now, that's why you talk this way,"
"What they talk then?" I still wanted to know.

"I'd rather not ..."
"Please?"

"Are you sure?"
"I do not know ... Is there something very terrible?"

"Decide, whether you want or not, "
"Okay," I breathed in deeply, "Shoot."

"Jason is kinda reserved person. I suppose you know this already. He often tries to show that he is one of us as well. That he attends parties and so on. But that's obvious, it's just a cliche. At least I see it because I'm the same. The difference that I act better. Ah, admit that I do. " he told me after I grimaced.

I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what to say. I couldn't argue - Jake got the feel of this role very successfully, he tricked us all.

"Even if others can't see the cliche, they know that Jason doesn't like it all. And the fact that he is a loner all the time .. I mean, was until now, then there are very interesting rumors about him."

I looked at him with expectation, but he was quiet. Decided whether to continue or not. Without hearing no objection, he said slowly, "Okay. But you wanted it."
No, no, no. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Don't use my phrases. Okay, if I may ... Whatever, go on.

Of course, nothing was heard by Jake. "Some give aguess that he has a drug or other criminal business ..." he began.
My eyebrows flew close to the hairline. "But this is ridiculous,"

"Or is it?" Jake used another phrase of our class.
I didn't say anything, and he continued.

"Twilight fans, of course, are secretly hoping that he is a vampire, a werewolf,"
I snorted. Partly because I personally thought the same way. Only difference, it was a joke, when nothing better could have come to my mind. "Is there something else?"

"You think it's not enough? And you find it funny?"
Now I help but started laughing. "Come on, really. Jason doesn't take a part in anything criminal, okay. And a vampire or a werewolf? We live in a normal world."

I didn't add my thoughts about it, though.
"In a normal world?"

"Yes. Of course, I certainly believe that the fans would be very happy if there would be vampires, werewolves, fairies, angels, and I don't know which fantasy creature else, but still .. this is our usual harsh reality. But you didn't answer. "
"Well. I'm talking: neither the supernatural or criminal,"

"And seriously nothing more?"
"Nope ... What did you expect?"

"Well, after all, .. I don't know exactly. But I know what he is like. Surely not everyone have to be .. 24/7 party-goers."
"What kind of an insight it was?"

"It wasn't an insight,"
"I guess it was,"

"What insight?"
"Oh, never mind"

"Well, sorry, takes a lot of time to understand. But really. Jason is just a quiet boy who likes to be alone." I shrugged my shoulders. Wait a minute. Since when I discuss my man with someone else besides girls? Shut the hell up, Caroline.
"Yes, I know,"

"Then why don't you tell them anything?"
"People prefer to believe what they want to believe,"

I hadn't any argument against that.

23.12.11

Minu olematu armulugu #1: Armumine

Armastus. Mida nad õigupoolest nimetavad armastuseks? "Armastus on mitmetahuline nähtus ja armastuse mõiste on raskesti defineeritav. Tavakeeles mõistetakse armastuse all eelkõige sügavat kiindumust kahe inimese vahel või erakordset tunnet, mis maailma imelisena paista laseb."

Tõsi ta on, sõnadega ei ole seda võimalik eriti seletada. Seda peab tundma. Ja ka siis ei oska sa seda seletada. Kas on see see moment, kui sa tunned oma südamelööke, mis üha kiirenevad ja kiirenevad? Või kui su peod higistama hakkavad? Või kui kuuma- ja värinatelaine käib üle su keha justkui maavärin?

Suhte jaoks on kahte inimest vaja, ütles ta kord. Aga armastuse jaoks? Ühepoolne armastus. See sakib. Tõesti, kes mõtles välja armastuse? Selleta oleks palju parem olnud. Ei oleks mingit tõmmet, kiindumust .. see kõik oleks lihtsalt .. teistmoodi. Ainult et .. siiski, armastuseta pole võimalik elada. See on meie sisse kodeeritud juba. Armas. Inimesed on nõrgad ning armastus muudab nad veel nõrgemaks. Vähemalt minu muutis.

*** 

Ainuke, mida ma teadsin, oli see, et see polnud armastus esimesest silmapilgust. Kui ma uude klassi (ja samal ajal ka kooli) tulin, tahtsin ma lihtsalt uut normaalset elu. Sest minu elu polnud normaalne peale algkooli. Kuid sellest ma ei räägi. See õudus on läbi, see on tähtis.

Tulles tagasi endise teema juurde - kui ma uude klassi tulin, tundusid mulle kõikide poiste näod ühesugused. Tüdrukutega oli lihtsam - kõik tahavad ju teistest erineda ning kannavad omapäraseid riideid. Okei, ütleme nii, et Cole'iga ühes olevad poisid erinesid teistest samuti. Aga ülejäänud .. puha mustade teksade ja pluusidega. Kaheksas klass pole just päris see, kus poisid tüdrukutele eriti külge löövad (aka erinevad riiete poolest). Ma ütleks, et see algab kuskilt 9. lõpust või nii.

Tema hakkas minu jaoks kõigist erinema kuskil detsembri keskel. Siis sain ma aru, et ta meeldib mulle, kiiresti tuli kiindumus ja siis .., ka suhteliselt kiiresti sain ma aru, et ma armastan seda poissi. Et ma tõepoolest armastan Jason Lockwoodi. Nüüd, kui me temaga juba koos oleme, on tagasi nii imelik mõelda - see oli ju nii ammu, tervelt 3 aastat tagasi. Ja kui palju nende 3 aasta jooksul muutunud on!

Ma rääkisin teile oma viimasest, 3. aastast. Siis kui me Jasoniga käima hakkasime ja kõik nii metsikult muutuks. Mõned inimesed tunnevad ehk ka huvi, kuidas ma nii kaua välja vedasin. Nagu, tõesti, kes ootaks poissi 2,5 aastat? Õige vastus on Caroline Forbz.

Lihtsalt, ma usun saatusesse ja tol hetkel ma uskusin, et need armupiinad pole saadetud mu teele lihtsalt selleks, et mööda minna ja et midagi välja ei tuleks. Pealegi, nagu välja tuli, polnud see kõik niisama. Selle peale ma suurema osa lootsingi. Tasus end ära kah.

Okei, ma laskusin taas sügavikku. Sorry, oli vajadus end jälle 'tühjaks kirjutada'. Mu lemmiktegevus. Okei, siin tuleb nüüd punkt mu jamale. Alustame jutuga.

***

Esimene kord, kui me üldse rääkisime (kuigi ma päris rääkisimiseks seda ei nimetaks, sest seda oli kõige rohkem 10 sõna..., kuid siiski) oli Melbourne'is, veel alles põhikoolis. Esimene aasta, mis ma seal koolis õppisin, esimene reis uue klassiga.

"Saaksid sa mulle, palun, selle nätsu ulatada?" küsis ta, ehmatades mind reaalselt, sest mu süda hakkas otsekohe palju kiiremas tempos tukslema.

Arutasime parasjagu Chaniga, kuhu peale poodi edasi minna, kui see juhtus. Vaatamata sellele, et sellest on tänaseks möödunud juba piisavalt aastaid, mäletan seda endiselt hästi. Samas, ma mäletan kõike temaga seonduvat liigagi hästi.

"Muidugi," naeratasin ma talle, upitades end nätsu järele. "Ole lahke,"
"Tänks,"

Okei, see oli 11 sõna siiski.

Melbourne'is juhtus veel põnevaid asju. Näiteks sama päeva õhtul läksime õhtul mööda kanaleid sõitma, mis oli iseenesest vägagi lõbus kogemus. Arvestades, et meie seltskonna (tol hetkel mina, Chan, Cassie, Micha) taga istus Cole'i seltskond (kui ma õigesti mäletan, siis lisaks Cole'ile olid seal David ja Corey) ning .. noh, jah, tuli välja, et ka Jason istus seal. Ülinunnu.

Öösel oli meil nö. ülestunnistamine, kui me rääkisime igasugustest asjadest, millest tavaliselt ei räägi (tüdrukute jutud, teate küll). Loomulikult jõudsime poisteni välja.

Ma teadsin juba tol hetkel, et Jason meeldib mulle ja värki, kuid, vaatamata tüdrukute pinnimisele (ja uskuge mind, seda nad juba oskavad), jäi mu suu tookord lukku. Ma lihtsalt ei olnud neile valmis sellest rääkima.

Järgmisel hommikul käisime Chaniga varem hommikus söömas, et me pärast saaks veits netis istuda ja tududa. Cassie ja Micha olid samuti meiega, ülejäänud magasid, nii et me olime suht neljakesi. Pärast läksime meie hotellituppa, laadides reisil tehtud pilte arvutisse ja lihtsalt jutustades.

Umbes pool 11 kuulsime uksel koputust. Micha oli uksele kõige lähemal, nii et tema läks seda avama. Ma mõtlesin küll, et meie klassijuhataja tuli ütlema, et me peaks hakkama bussi liikuma, kuid selle asemel leidis Micha hoopis Jasoni ja Zacki (kes tol hetkel oli isegi täiesti normaalne, kujutage ette).

"Samele palus öelda, et hommikusöök lõppeb 10 minuti pärast, nii et..." rääkis Jason.
Omg, mis see siis nüüd on? Kas ta reaalselt ei võinud saata kedagi teist?

"Me sõime muidu juba, tänan," vastas Michelle.
"A, no okei, me lähme siis,"

Jeah, lõbus oli. Melbourne oli reaalselt lõbus.

***

Esimene suvi, kui ma olin armunud, möödus kuidagi. Selles suhtes, et ma ei arvanudki siis, et midagi võib üldse välja tulla. Ma ei arvanud, et ma midagi arendama hakkan. Kuid saatusel olid teised plaanid. Ja niipea, kui algas viimane aasta põhikoolis, algas 'lõbu'.

28. august käisime õpikute järel. Et ma jõudsin sinna varem, kui Micha ja Chantal, jäin veel välja neid ootama. Uurisin parajasti uusi õpikuid (teadmishimuline nagu ma olen .. haha, no!), kui tundsin endal kellegi pilku ja tõstsin silmad. Seal, kolme meetri kaugusel oli tema, tassimas seljakotis enda õpikuid.

Jasoni silmad puurisid minu omi nii, et ma pmst tundsin mingit torget oma südames. See pilk .. see oli midagi erilist. Mitte et ta oleks minuga rääkima tulnud või midagi, kuid jah, see oli midagi.

Kaks kuud koolis möödusid ka (temale mõeldes muidugi), kuid ilma mingisuguste juhtumiteta. Aga asjad hakkasid juhtuma peale seda erilist päeva, kui ma käisin füüsika tööd järele tegemas ja tema kitarrimängule peale sattusin. Jah, see oli murdepunkt.

My Nonexistent Love Story #1: Falling in Love

Love. What they actually call love? "Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. It's also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and 'the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another'"

It is true, you can't explain love with words. You must feel it. And even then you don't know how to explain it. Is it that moment when you feel your heartbeats increasing rapidly? Or, when your hands are sweating? Or, when a wave of hotness and shivers goes over your body like an earthquake?

Relationship is between two people, he once said. But love? One-sided love. It sucks. Really, who invented love? Without this, it would be much better. There would be no attraction, affection .. all this would just be .. in a different way. Just that .. however, it is not possible to live without love. This is our built-in. Lovely. People are weak, and love makes them weaker. At least it made me.

***

The only one I knew  that it wasn't love at first sight. When I came to a new class (and at the same time, the school), I just wanted a new normal life. Because my life wasn't normal after the primary. But I'm not talking about it. This nightmare is over, it's important.

Returning to the former subject - as I came to the new class, I thought, all the boys have same faces. It was easier with the girls - after all, everyone wants to differ from others, so they wear their peculiar clothes. Okay, so let's say that Cole's gang was different from other guys as well. But the rest .. just black jeans and shirts. In the eighth grade boys don't hit on girls (aka differ with clothes). I would say that it starts somewhere in the end of ninth class, or bot

Somewhere in the middle of December he started to differ from others. Then I realized that I liked him .. and then the affection came, and I realized fairly quickly that I love that boy. That I really love Jason Lockwood. Now, as we are dating, it is so weird to think back - it was just too long, as many as three years ago. And how much has changed over those three years!

I told you about my last, the third year. Then when we started dating with Jason and all went so wild. Some people may be interested, how I could have waited for so long. Like, really, who would wait for a boy for 2.5 years? The correct answer is Caroline Forbz.

Simply, I believe in destiny, and at that moment I believed that pain of love wasn't sent just to pass by, and that we won't work out. Moreover, as it came out, it was not all just like that. That was what I relied on. Paid off, too.

Okay, I lost in thought again. Sorry, I needed to 'write off'. My favorite activity. Okay, now here's the point to all this thing. Let's start with the story.

***

The first time we had ever talked (although I would not call it 'talking' because it was at most 10 words ... but still) was in Melbourne, still in a primary school. The first year, what I attended new school, the first trip with the new class.

"Can you pass me the gum, please?" he asked, genuinely frightening me, because my heart started faster rate immediately.

We were discussing with Chan in which shop to go next, when it happened. Despite the fact that so many years had went by for now, I still remember it well. At the same time, I remember everything that's associated with him too much.

"Sure," I smiled at him, boosting myself to the gum. "here you are,"
"Thanks,"

Okay, that was 11 words.

In Melbourne lots of exiting things happened. For example, the same evening we went to evening ride along the canals, which in itself was a very fun experience. So behind our company (at that moment, me, Chan, Cassie, Micha) there was Cole's gang (if I remember correctly, besides Cole, there were David and Corey), and .. well, yes, it turned out that Jason was sitting in there. Cute.

At night, we had so-called confession, as we talked about all kinds of things which we normally don't talk about (girls' talk, you know). Of course, we get to the boys topic sometime.

I knew at the time that I like Jason and stuff, but, despite girls' demanding (and believe me, they know how to demand), my mouth remained shut. I just wasn't ready to talk about it.

The next morning I and Chan went to eat breakfast before others, after that we could sit on the web and take a nap maybe. Cassie and Micha were also with us, the rest were asleep, so we were alone. After we went to our hotel room, downloading the images to computer, and just chatting.

About half 11 we heard a knock on the door. Micha was the closest to the door, so she went to open it. I thought , our teacher had to say that we should begin to move to the bus, but instead Micha found Jason and Zack (who at that point there was even an absolutely normal, can you imagine).

"Samele asked to tell you that breakfast ends after 10 minutes, so ..." said Jason.
OMG, what is it now? She really couldn't find someone else?
"We had already eaten, thank you," said Michelle.
"Ah, well okay, we go then,"

Yeah, that was fun. Melbourne was really fun.

***

The first summer, when I was in love, passed somehow. I mean, I couldn't think, that something might come out at all. I didn't think I'm going to evolve something. But fate had other plans. And as soon as it started the last year of primary school, the 'fun' started.

On 28th August we went to school to get our books. Since I got there sooner than Micha and Chantal, I got to wait for them. I was looking through the books (as I am so acquisitive .. haha, no!) When I felt someone's eyes on me, I raised my owns. There he was, three meters away, having his backpack with textbooks in his hands.

Jason's eyes bore into me, and I felt sth in my heart. This look .. it was something special. Not that he would come talk to me or something, but still, it was something.

Two months spent in school (thinking of him, of course), but without any cases. But things started to happen after that special day when I went to redo physics test and found him, playing the guitar. Yes, it was a turning point.

22.12.11

Never fall for a Player #1: Changing my principles

"And you just leave? After everything you have ..." Said. Everything that was between us. That's what I wanted to tell him, but he was too wrong person to be told that. Too wrong, yes. "Okay," I moves my hands to calm myself down. "It was nice to spend time,"

I turned myself around at my heels and just went, leaving him standing there, dumbfounded, even though he was the one who had left me.
But what I was actually hoping for?
I broke my promise, maybe even a principle. The most .. let's just say that I would never have thought I could break this one. And moreover a promise given to myself! That's even worse than promises given to others.

Would you like to hear it? Never, never, under any circumstances fall for a player.
However, there was one positive thing about it. He said that when the lessons were over, so I could now go to the dance studio to handle with stress.
And think about my revenge, because I do not forgive so easily. Liam Hormshot, you'll regret it.

***

Moving to the dance studio, I tried to figure out how and when this all started.

It was a party. Where I actually wasn't about to go. But my best friend Saleisha dragged me there, because she felt I needed some change. Well, then I thought she may be right.

If only I knew.
That night ..

***

"Saleisha, seriously,"
"C'mon, you know that I want him," She said, her eyes moving from me to Adam.

I shook my head. "Okay, go. I guess I have to find some entertainment for me, too."
"You're super!" Saleisha shouted over the music and smacked a kiss on my cheek.

"Lovely," I said. "Not me, kiss him. Go now." I smiled at these two as they run up the stairs.
Oh these couples. Yeah.
It was a moment where I remained alone, and when things started to do awry. I headed to the kitchen to take something to drink, but I had no idea, that I could find myself there, drinking with Liam one shot after another, to see who will win.

I can't remember who won anyway. Not that it would make any sense now. So .. yes, as you may think, we finished in the same bed. Naked.
The thought that we were .. me and him .. well, it was disgusting. Not that I have something against the boys (I'm 100% straight!), But Liam Hormshot was .. a player.

In the morning, finding myself in bed with one of them, I was so angry at myself that I would happily twist my head off. I put clothes on fastly, rushing from the room and out of the house.

However, Liam isn't listed as a player just because he sleeps with lots of girls. He still plays with them after that, by telling them he cares.
*Sarcastic laugh*.

I don't know what I thought about when I had him a couple of hours later on my threshold, he acknowledging me that I'm special. This is how started my relationship with Liam Hormshot.

***

I made a few moves.
Just like in the video.
Step, turn, jump. Mm.
Not that dancing is my passion, I never felt any attraction. But it helped to cope with stress, which I needed lately.

Hand, one, two, three, down, up.
Stress.That's understatement.

And turn. I Adjusted my jacket, thinking momentally the moves that could be used in the video.
After he had made me believe in his lies, there was no peace in my life.

He. This boy, as he Saleisha called him. Liam Hormshot. Is there any difference how to call him? It couldn't change the fact that I got addicted to him. Wildly addicted. Desperately. Very. A lot.

I made another turn, facing the mirror. If I would have been at home, the mirror would be probably broken. Why? Because I was angry. Again.
Never fall for a player - this was my principle. I hated them. Disgusted.

Stuck-up bastards who think they can get any girl who they only want.And plus the fact that I hadn't planned falling in love. I wanted to concentrate on studies to get to a normal university and then work ...
But everything went wrong.

Stop. One, two, three.
I felt that my anger was gone. By now.

And then, just as I was arranging my legwarmers, I felt someone's hands on my waist.
I didn't even have to look in the mirror to know who was it.

Cameron Shonery moved me in beat, then raising me in the air. Otherwise I would get free hands, but no, not after a plan started to create in my head.

* A small overview: Cameron Shonery was just like Liam. Stuck-up player who knows exactly how hot he is, and that girls want him. Most, not all. Not that it could change their mind.
And the girls like me - who didn't belong to the majority - were a challenge for them. They so love challenges like that.

For one, I wasn't a challenge anymore. But no, oh no, it's not over yet. Now I'm the one who will play with you. *

Cammy pushed me against the wall, about a meter above him and then slipped me slowly down. He moved his face closer and closer. I assumed that he did it cautiously, because he knew how I would normally act.

Finally, his lips brushed mine gently, and he wanted to move away, but my nails, which were dug into his back, restrained him. Instead, I pulled him back towards me.
He was intoxicated, and his hands pledged themselves to climb up and down my body. He touched my lips with his tongue, asking for permission to enter, which I gave him willingly.

If he only knew to which it leads.
A heated groan came from his mouth, as my hands reached you-know-what.

"My place, right now," he said, at once pleading and ordering.
"Definitely," I whispered, agitated.

***

The bed creaked under us as calling help, but we weren't about to stop. He because he wanted me, and I, since this was the plan.
Besides, I thought, this is wonderful.

Cameron's fingers squeezed mines, my hands were above my head. We moved slowly, starting to going fast. He moaned as my finger nails dug into his back with a passion.

"You're a wonderful Roxy," He whispered, when he finally sank next to me.

***

These arrogant bastards. Think they can get any girl who they want. How I would like this smile from their faces. These were my thoughts when I left Cameron's apartment in the morning.

I knew exactly what I had to do.
Players, eh? You like to play. Okay. Let's start the game.

Ära kunagi armu mängurisse #1: Muutes oma põhimõtteid

"Ja sa nii lihtsalt lähedki? Peale seda kõike, mis sa..." Mis sa ütlesid. Mis meie vahel oli. Seda tahtsin ma öelda, kuid ta oli selleks liiga vale inimene. Liiga vale, jah. "Olgu, olgu," Liigutasin käsi enda maharahustamiseks. "Oli meeldiv aega veeta,"

Pöörasin end kontsadel ümber ja lihtsalt läksin, jättes ta tummalt seisma, kuigi just tema oli see, kes minu maha jättis.
Kuid mida ma õigupoolest lootsingi?

Ma olin rikkunud endale antud lubadust, võib-olla isegi põhimõtet. Seda kõige .. ütleme nii, et seda, mida ma poleks kunagi arvanud end rikkuvat. Ja veel iseendale antud lubadust! See on ju veel hullem, kui teistele antud lubadus.

Tahate kuulda seda? Ära mitte kunagi, mitte kunagi, mitte mingitel tingimustel armu mängurisse.
Üks positiivne asi siin siiski oli. Ta ütles seda siis, kui tunnid olid lõppenud, nii et ma sain nüüd rahulikult tantsustuudiosse minna stressi maandama.

Ja mõelda oma kättemaksust, sest mina juba nii kergesti andeks ei anna. Liam Hormshot, sa veel kahetsed seda.

***

Liikudes tantsustuudiosse, proovisin õigupoolest välja mõelda, kuidas ja millal see kõik alguse sai.
See oli pidu. Kuhu ma tegelikult poleks üldse pidanud minemagi. Ent mu parim sõbranna Saleisha taris mu sinna, kuna tema arvates ma vajasin vaheldust. Egas siis midagi, tol hetkel ma leidsin, et tal võib isegi õigus olla.

Kui ma vaid oleksin teadnud.
Tol õhtul ..

***

"Saleisha, tõepoolest,"
"No ole nüüd! Sa ju tead, et ma tahan teda," venitas tüdruk, liigutades oma silmi minult Adamile.

Raputasin pead. "Olgu, mine. Eks ma siis proovin ka endale lõbustust minna."
"Sa oled super!" hüüdis Saleisha üle muusika ja andis mulle matsaka musi.

"Armas," venitasin ma. "Musitama hakkad teda. Minge nüüd." Naeratasin neile kahele, kui nad trepist üles lippasid.
Oh neid paarikesi küll. Jajah.

See oli hetk, kus ma jäin üksi ja kui asjad hakkasid vedama nihu. Ma suundusin kööki, et midagi juua võtta, kuid mul ei olnud mõtteski, et ma leian end sealt, juues Liamiga üht shoti teise järel temaga võidu.


Ega ma enam nkn ei mäleta, kes võitis. Mitte et see enam tähtis oleks. Pmst .. jah, nagu te arvata võite, lõpetasime me temaga ühes voodis. Alasti.
Mõte sellest, et me temaga .. et mina ja tema .. ühesõnaga, see oli vastik. Mitte et mul poiste vastu midagi on (ma olen 100% sirge!), aga Liam Hormshot oli .. mängur.

Hommikul, leides end voodis ühega neist olin ma enda peale nii vihane, et keeranuks endal suurema hea meelega kaela kahekorra. Panin ülihelikiirusel riidesse, tormates toast ja üldse sealt majast välja.

Kuid ega Liamit ei nimetata mänguriks ainult sellepärast, et ta tüdrukuid voodisse veab. Ta mängib nendega veel peale seda, sisestades neile, et ta hoolib.
3 haha-d 4 korda.

Ma ei tea, mis mul mõttes oli, kui ma ta paari tunni pärast enda ukselävelt leidsin, tema kinnitamas mulle, et ma olen eriline, ja ma uskusin seda. Niimoodi algas minu suhe Liam  Hormshotiga.

***

Tegin veel paar liigutust.
Täpselt nagu videos.

Samm, pööre, hüpe. Mm.
Mitte et tantsimine oleks mu kirg, ma ei tundnud kunagi selle vastu mingit tõmmet. Kuid viimasel ajal aitas see stressiga toime tulla.

Käsi, üks, kaks, kolm, alla, üles.
Stress. See oli veel kergesti öeldud.

Ja pööre. Kohendasin oma jakki, mõeldes momentaanselt välja liigutusi, mida oleks võinud videos veel kasutada.
Peale seda, kui ta mu siiski ära rääkida suutis, polnud mu elu enam rahu olnudki.

Tema. See poiss, nagu Saleisha teda nimetas. Liam Hormshot. Mis vahet on, kuidas teda nimetada? See nkn ei muudaks tõsiasja, et ma jõudsin temasse kiinduda. Meeletult kiinduda. Meeleheitlikult. Väga. Palju.

Tegin järjekordse pöörde, olles nüüd 10 cm kaugusel peeglist. Olnuks ma kodus, oleks peegel katki. Miks? Sest ma olin enda peale vihane. Jälle.
Ära mitte kunagi armu mängurisse - selline oli mu põhimõte. Ma vihkasin neid. Jälestasin.

Ennasttäis jobud, kes arvavad, et võivad saada iga tüdruku, kelle vaid tahavad.
Ning lisaks veel seda, et mul polnud praegu armumine planeeritud. Ma tahtsin keskenduda õppimisele, et siis normaalsesse ülikooli sisse saada ja siis tööle...
Kuid kõik läks valesti.

Peatus. Üks, kaks, kolm.
Tundsin, et mu viha on läinud. Praeguseks läbi.

Ning siis, just siis kui ma olin parajasti kohendamas oma sääresoojendajaid, tundsin ma kellegi käsi enda pihal.
Ma isegi ei pidanud peeglisse vaatama, et teada saada, kes see on. 

Cameron Shonery liigutas mind muusika taktis, tõstes mu seejärel õhku. Muidu oleks ma tema kätest vabanenud, kuid ei, mitte peale seda, kui mu peas hakkas vaikselt küpsema plaan.
* Väike ülevaade: Cameron Shonery oli täpselt nagu Liam. Ennasttäis mängur, kes teab täpselt, kui kuum ta on ja et tüdrukud tahavad teha. Enamus, mitte kõik. Mitte et see neid kõigutaks.
Ning sellised nagu mina - kes ei kuulunud sellesse enamusse - pakkusid neile väljakutset. Nad ju nii armastasid väljakutseid.
Ühele ma enam väljakutse pole. Kuid ei, oo ei, sellega pole kõik veel kaugeltki läbi. Nüüd olen mina see, kes teiega mängima hakkab. *

Cammy surus mu vastu seina, umbes meetri kõrgemale endast ja libistas mind seejärel aeglaselt mööda seda alla. Ta liikus oma näoga üha lähemale ja lähemale. Ma oletasin, et ta tegi seda ettevaatlikkusega, sest ta teadis, mida ma tavaliselt tegin.

Ta huuled puudutasid lõpuks õrnalt minu omi ning ta tahtis eemalduda, kuid mu küüned, mis olid surutud tema selga, takistasid teda. Tõmbasin teda hoopis tagasi enda poole.
Ta sattus sellest joovastusse ning ta käed lubasid endale ronida mööda mu keha. Ta puudutas keelega mu huuli, küsides luba sisenemiseks, mille ma talle ka lahkesti andsin.

Kui ta vaid teaks, milleni see viib.
Tema suust kostis erutunud oie, kui ma teate-küll-kuhu enda kätega jõudsin.

"Minu juurde, kohe," ütles ta ühtaegu käskivalt ja paluda.
"Kahtlemata," sosistasin erutunult.


***


Voodi meie all kriuksus appihüüdvalt, kuid me ei mõelnudki peatada. Tema, sest ta tahtis mind, ning mina, sest selline oli plaan.
Pealegi, mõtlesin ma, see on suurepärane.

Cameroni sõrmed pigistasid minu omi, mu käed oli sirutatud mu pea kohale. Me liikusime aeglases tempos, üha kiirenedes. Ta oigas, kui mu küüned ihahoos tema selga kaevusid.


"Sa oled suurepärane, Roxy," sosistas ta, kui ta lõpuks mu kõrvale vajus.


***


Need ennasttäis jobud. Arvavad, et võivad saada iga tüdruku, kelle vaid tahaks. Kuidas ma tahaks kustutada selle ennasttäis muige nende näolt. Sellised olid mu mõtted, kui ma hommikult Cameroni korterist lahkusin.

Ma teadsin täpselt, mida ma tegema pidin.
Mängurid, mis? Teile meeldib mängida. Nõus. Alustame mänguga.