Открой моё сердце # 4

"Caroline,"
 "Jason," I wrote back stubbornly. After a few moments after I expleted myself - didn't I by myself write him so if I needed something important from him? Wait a minute .. important?
 
"We need to talk,"
"We are talking now," I didn't understand what was wrong with me. After all, I knew that he wanted to tell me something. Why do I act like this then?!
 
"No, not so. Like really. In real life, you know?"
I thought the moment. "Why?" I asked the dumbest question ever.
 
"Caroline." he repeated my name again, "You did something very clear to me today."
"What do you mean?"
 
I imagined him half-smiling as he wrote: "You don't appreciate what you have until you've lost it. Forever." 
"What do you mean by that?"

"Tomorrow. After school. Your favorite place."".. okay?"
"See you then,""Bye,"
 
I gazed at the computer screen for several minutes. Now, what an actual fuck happened? I scrolled the conversation up and down, as well as my thoughts back. What is going to happen tomorrow?
 
***

When Jason wrote to me "your favorite place," I knew immediately what he meant. 
The sea.
 
* I also like to go for a walk in the forest, whereas the back of my house was forest, beautiful forest, but the sea .. it was like there was something that connected me with sea. And when it comes to the association, apart from the wolves, full moon ... I loved nature. I liked all that was hid there. Although I hated the insects, for example. But I did not pay attention to it. In the forest or the sea, I could spend hours, maybe even days, if only I could. I should try it someday.*
 
But now, not mentioning that I headed to my favorite place, I headed to a date there .. with the person I .. loved.
 
* I knew how crazy it is and how confused it sounds. But it was true. Even if I had not really talked with him at all .. as Alasia, said: "You don't actually even know him." She was right. But still .. this did not stop me to love Jason. And also, I was thinking recently that I should leave him. That there's no point in keeping waiting and waiting. Besides, I had someone else on the horizon now .. :D But .. as I've said all along: "Forget someone you love is the same as remember someone you have never met." *

I sat on the hill by the sea, kicking my heels and nervously watching the clock.
Where is he?
 
Then it hit me. He was a long time in Tunisia. Follow-up work, of course. I let the sun caressl my face. Why he asked to a meet today? 

I felt someone's hands on my eyes. How soft and tender ...
 
"Guess who," Stranger murmured in my ear, though he wasn't as stranger as I thought. 
"Jason," I called happily and looked behind myself.
 
There he was, wearing a jacket and backpack untidily on one shoulder. 

"You came finally .. I thought that you have already forgotten ..." I continued the discussion, marveling at my courage.
Perhaps, however, I will be able to speak with him irl normally?
 
"I wouldn't forget such a thing," he replied carelessly. "Let's go for a walk?" He offered, beckoning on a long sandy beach, which extended to us
"Gladly," I agreed and stood up.
 
We walked for a very long time, in silence. I was thinking that maybe he should start talking or something, but I kept my thoughts for myself. Ultimately, who was I to tell him what he should do? His thoughts, however, remained shut to me.
 
"I have to give you something," said Jason in a long time.I turned my curious eyes to him. He fumbling in his pocket for a while, until he took out something small.
 
"I suppose it's yours," he said, took my hand and put on my palm something that was from metal.
"Oh, you can't be serios! You found it on! " I cried happily, when I discovered what he had put on my hand. It was a few months ago lost plate with printed wolf paw and script "Wolf Girl". Wolves, yeah.
 
"How did you find it?" I asked, fixing the plate to my charming bracelet. 
He looked straight. "I found it someday. I knew though, it's yours, but .. I wanted to keep it in memory or something. "

"In memory?" I couldn't get the point. 
He looked at me reprovingly. "Sorry, but it's over?"
"Oh," I looked away, blushing. "It was ..."

He took my hand again, but this time just to hold. "You do not need to justify, Caro. 'Cause I have never done it before. " 
I looked at him again. "True it is," I agreed.
 
We sat on the sand, allowing the sun to warm ourselves up. 
I better begin by myself. "Jason?" I asked tentatively."Yes?"
 
"Why did you invite me here, if we have sat in silence for so long?"
 "Because I do not dare to start" he admitted.
 
"Okay, I'll start." I said, actively and intently watching the boy. "Tell me first of all, what am I? Who am I?"
 ".. You're a girl," he said
Nice -.-
 
"Please," I  whispered a word I always used when I needed sth from him - really needed - and put my hands on his shoulders to make him look at me, "answer. Who I am for you? Just a classmate? Classmate who ... " I didn't finish the question. For two reasons.

First, he already knew the answer, "A classmate who loves him so desperately." No, not really. He knew I like him. A lot. He did not know about love. As I know. Second, I noticed my hands that got on his shoulders in a gust of emotions.

 "Oops," I murmured, and began to pull hands but, but he took them in half-way into his. I silently stared at our hands.
Our hands. It sounded .. enticingly.

This is something new. He never looked for a contact with me outside of MSN. And even in MSN only sometimes. At the same time .. it may be his first step.
 
"So you want to make me say it?" he asked with a chuckle in very his voice. I-am-a-different tone.
"Yes," I said firmly, "I want to hear everything I should. What I wanted to hear for a long time. Sorry." Again, I felt blush over my cheecs because of the selection of words - he must not know how I feel .. At least not as long as ... I coughed. "I just wanted to say that I want to hear everything you want to say to me. I want to hear the truth."
 
He chuckled again. I looked at him expectantly. "I told you that I need ..."
"Unintentionally interrupted him. "Jason, what do you need? More time? Tell me straight out. Please." Last word faded.

I can't stand it anymore. I took my hands, not actually wanting to. It makes no sense. Never did.

"I understand," I continued my thoughts, "I was too pushy ... You gave me too much hope. I remember. But, Jason .. I can not help that  it happened. I'm happy about that. No one can actually stand their emotions. But .. I can't stand it anymore. I can not wait forever. And I can't ask you for just being with me, no matter what I feel. So tell me .. the truth, please. .. Leave me .. or love me. " The words flow out of the mouth by themselves. All I ever thought, when it all began .. absolutely everything. I even did not stop myself.
He had to know.
 
"What is this "that/it" you mention all the time?" Jason looked at me intently."Oh, you guys!" I said offendedly and started to go away.
"Hey, honestly, don't tell me now that you have always understood what I had said." He winked at me, but my face was wry. However, he is right.

I sighed quietly, even though I knew everything is gonna be this way.

"You really want to know?" I breathed deeply in and out. "This is love, Jason."